So Women not Wanting to Have Sex Involves “Excuses”?


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http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/02/27/20-ways-to-snub-your-lover/?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150641989334271_23676200_10151017086789271

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This rather hurtful article was written by a writer called “Mommyfriend”, but she is no friend to mothers or to women, at least judging by the fact that her article implies women are making excuses for not having sex.

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The “excuses”: watching TV, kids are awake, kids might wake up, let’s talk instead, I need shower, tired. headache, I am too fat now, I’m too cold, let’s cuddle instead, legs too hairy, you did something wrong to me, I have unshaved crotch, upset about something else, period cramps, just showered and want to stay clean, ovulating, PMS, have to get up early, just had a bad day.

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Men know these are not “excuses”.  They know full well these are legitimate reasons a person might not want to have sex.  But because they want sex, they want to throw a fit and blame you whenever you don’t give them what they want, even if you aren’t doing it on purpose, or aren’t doing it to be mean.  They don’t care.  They just want what they want and are prepared to accuse you of something they know is unjust and untrue if they don’t get their way.  This is why they hire women like this- Handmaidens of the Patriarchy (HOPs, HOP’s)- to write this shit.

You would think spouses, especially mothers, would get a little more empathy and respect.  Sheesh!

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The woman who wrote the article is obviously mocking the “excuses” and the women who make them, even if it is a sort of self-mock (she uses the word “we”, as if she does it herself, or empathizes with those who do).  “You know these are just excuses.  We aren’t really worried we’ll wake the kids up!” she seems to sneer, as if she is trying to convince men that women are all sneaky liars by acting like she is one herself, and that so are her sisters, the amorphous “we” that she claims all women belong to- the “we” who are holding back sex for no reason other than that that’s how we roll!

These sorts of attitudes and behaviors are male-encouraged and male-enforced, and serve to provide men with an excuse to mistrust women.  “See, the bitch/chick/she-devil/psycho cunt who wrote that article admits it!  They’re all sneaky whores-and-prudes-at-the-same-fucking-time-omg-no-thats-not-a-contradiction who won’t have sex with us so they deserve to be cheated on and raped!!!!”

Hence, I don’t blame Mommyfriend for her article. She probably has bills to pay and a face to save, and even though patriarchy despises women equally on an internal psychological level, the women who conform to it are treated better materially and physically (though not always).  We must not blame the victim class, but instead, the oppressor class. To blame Mommyfriend for her article against other women would be like blaming a Negro slave for writing a pro-slavery article aimed at other Negroes, even though it’s obvious the white masters are making her do it, and that they started slavery to begin with.

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So, the article kind of pissed me off, and not to mention, was written in very unprofessional grammar and tone (I hope that makes people take it less seriously).

But what really bothered me were the comments below, some of which advocated emotional abuse of wives, misogyny, and outright cheating.  Let’s have a look:

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donaldhizer (signed in using yahoo)

ATTENTION LADIES: Men are simple creatures, unlike women. Men have three simple very basic drives, sex, food, and sleep. If you take care of his needs any self respecting man will be more than happy to take care of you and your needs. It’s really that simple!
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Donald gives a typical male response: We can’t help it.  We’re too simple for our own good.  If you can’t figure us out, it’s your fault.  You don’t deserve anything better than a simpleton.

A response to Donald:

nicegirl1578 (signed in using yahoo)

Not always true. I spent 4 years taking “care” of my husband, hoping like HELL he’d take care of me…it took cutting him to ribbons to get him to understand the pain he was putting me though while I waited for him to take care of me. Not every man is “simple” like you claim.
Reply · 3 · Unlike · July 7 at 4:33pm
This girl tells it like it is!!  The next commenter is another male excuse maker:
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Stephen Katz · Subscribe · Biomedical Equipment Technician at United States Army

Ummmm…. I do think he was generalizing. Don’t you??? Let’s not be so naive. OK? He also stated any self respecting man. Not quite sure how yours was, but I don’t think he was self respecting, because to be a respectful man also means that you are mindful of others as well. All in all I think his post is quite on point. 3 very basic drives is about right and yes– It really is that simple. Quit trying to thumb your nose at it just because you personally have a shitty husband.
Reply · 2 · Like · August 4 at 9:10am
Stephen starts off saying nice things, like how a respectable man respects others…then sneaks in the whole “men are simple!” thing, which
A: pretends that men are “too stupid” to know what’s good,
B: that it is desirable and natural for some persons to be simple-minded and that women should put up with these partners, and
C: that being straightforward and simplistic is synonymous with having unrefined and unwholesome tastes and values (sex, beer, ‘n’ sports, etc)
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Then I chimed in:
[me]

Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

Men are not “simple creatures”- they merely have more of their needs met by society so they think that means they can be selfish and not think about others, not cultivate a full personality and interests.Besides, I do not think my goal in life should be to fulfill a man’s needs.

Reply · 1 · Like · Tuesday at 11:17am
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Sounds reasonable.  I don’t think being simple and having an unfulfilling shallow life is good, nor is expecting a personal sex slave.  But Douchey von Douchenstein has to waltz in with:

Misi Waiki Tuimaseve · BYU College (CCWS)

[my name], are you married? If you’re not married, then your goal is not to fulfill a man’s need! That’s understandable “thank you for saying that”! But if you are married, then your goal is to fulfill the needs of your husband. And if your husband’s needs are not met and not satisfied with how you treat him, then never complain or get angry if your husband is meeting his needs and having sex with another woman!
Reply · Like · about an hour ago
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So if I don’t fuck my husband he can screw around on me?  Right.  Asshole.  Oh, and BTW, this is why I’m never getting married.  Take heed.  So I replied to him:
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[me] Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

No, jerk. sex is not a “need”- you will not die if you don’t have sex. Being married means loving each other, not serving each other. And it certainly doesn’t mean one partner serving the other only.Let me guess how often you get laid. Hmmm…never.

Reply · Like · about an hour ago
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Next comment from Douchenstein:

Misi Waiki Tuimaseve · BYU College (CCWS)

Hahaha @ [me]! In general, sex is not a need in life! It’s many times —> Lust! When you and your husband exchanged vows and your Yes I do at your wedding ceremony, your sex life was included as meeting the needs both you and your husbatnd! It’s not a need life wise, it’s a need between a man and a woman as a couple! When your husband wants to have sex with you, he needs to fulfill his feeling of enjoying sex, making love to or with his wife And if you don’t meet that need, then he can go find somewhere to meet his need.
Reply · Like · 25 minutes ago
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So it’s 1822 and when I said “I do,” this meant I belong to my hubby in the Biblical sense?  No. Uh-uh.  And I love the way he throws in that “but it’s for your pleasure tooooo!” schtick.  Besides, if having sex, like he says, is about fulfilling a feeling, then how can he get that fulfilling feeling from anyone other than his true love?  See how easy it is to debunk their lies?
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Shakespeare strikes again!:
[me]

Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

Um, I don’t know what era and/or country you’re from, but we no longer believe, as a society, that sex is a requirement of marriage. And never anywhere did I hear that a person is allowed to cheat on their spouse because they don’t get sex.And BTW, you are implying sex is something a person literally cannot resist, which is not true. You can choose not to have it, and you won’t die or blow up. If you won’t die if you don’t have it, then it isn’t any kind of “need”. That is, it’s something a person can control themselves not to choose to do.

Reply · Like · 2 seconds ago
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Boo-yah!
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Some other comments dotted the article, some good, but most bad:
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jayman77772004 (signed in using yahoo)

…habitually not giving sex to your husband is generally demonic…and to neglect it in marriage is to give an open invitation to Mr. Satan…
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[me]
  • Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

    I don’t think it’s “demonic” not to have sex with someone. You are severely exaggerating.Your comment reminds me of those Muslims who claim a wife who will not give sex to her husband is going to hell, or is full of demons.

    Or those Christians 500 years ago who said a woman who will not have sex with her husband is a witch.

    Sex is not something to be given and taken. It is something to be enjoyed by two people together.

    yuo’ve probably never been laid in your life.

    Reply · 1 · Like · Tuesday at 11:18am
  • [me] Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

    You truly ought to be arrested. That is, unless you are joking. I cannot tell if you are being sarcastic or not, that’s how stupid the comment sounds to my ears.
    Reply · Like · 2 seconds ago
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Mac Walsh · Hudson Community College

I swear, if my knees didn’t hurt so much, I’d think gay had to be better. Women are batshitinsane.
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[Yeah, because we’re the ones raping and beating and shooting people all the time.]
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A rare word of wisdom from a male commenter, who puts responsibility on men:

Edwin Snell · Matsumoto-shi, Nagano, Japan

Get real. giving in to your husband? Men begging for sex? ha ha ha you make me laugh. Women need sex MORE THAN MEN DO. A man who knows his stuff will know how to fulfill that need, and the woman won`t need to create a bunch a mental coping mechanisms for the bad sex.
(however, he does say that women need sex more than men…and this might be a way to trick women into having it!)
[me]

Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

I agree with Edwin.Men are taught not to respect women’s bodies and are taught, during sex, to only think about thier own physical enjoyment and not their partner’s. Hence, women do not enjoy sex with them.

In addition, many of the “excuses” (headaches, tired, etc) are not “excuses” at all, but are true and acceptable reasons not to want to have sex! Who wants to do any kind of physical activity when you have a headache?

Reply · Like · Tuesday at 11:21am
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Some comments were from women (or those who pretended to be women) who beat their sisters up for being mean and nasty sex-withholders:

OMG, so true…all of them, so true!!
http://www.ibebloggen.com/

Deanna commented on Mar 02 12 at 7:55 pm

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Women that don’t like and want sex should not get married. Sex is the most important part of marriage. It bonds two people together, reduces stress and is just damn good fun.

Unfortunately I was married to an jerk who didn’t like sex and made me feel like a slut for wanting sex and made my life a misery. If you don’t want sex, then let your spouse go, you are a poor excuse for a mate.

Dirty Girl commented on May 04 12 at 10:24 pm

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Making excuses not to have sex? As a woman who loves sex and especially giving my man oral sex…I find this article so sad that so many women don’t enjoy sex…NOT me. I have always had a strong and passionate sex drive so I can’t relate to the article. The more sex I have the better I feel about myself and body. I work out 2 hours a day…and still make time to ride my man “like a rental car…long and rough”

Blonde1 commented on May 06 12 at 8:28 pm

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I was married to a gynecologist and managed his very large practice; so many women were just not interested in sex. And I would hear these excuses used. Of course men can only be rejected so many times; and that is how its seems. Rejected by the one you love. Can you blame them for taking up hobbies for hours, hanging in the garage, not doing the little romantic things anymore, and for cheating. Egos begin to take a big hit and little chemistry and flirting, leaves an unsatisfied man with a temptation to great to resist. Think about that. Men are very simple, unlike complicated us. They love you and work to provide for and share a home with you. The intimate part is necessary and natural and very healthy mentally and physical. Culinary skills are much appreciated by the fellas and they enjoy being close and snuggling as well. But deprive them of that sexual need, they become unsatisfied and let down, then radars are up looking for someone to satisfy that need. And there are plenty of women ready to be the next Mrs. Personally I enjoy a very healthy libido and think sex is something amazing and special that forges a connection getting us through a tough and often difficult world. It is as God meant it to be. Peace and love❤

Trish commented on May 07 12 at 12:59 am

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Well, I have recently started to say, “If you ain’t taking care of your man than someone else will”
It’s just that simple girls. Men are very easy creatures to please. I found out the hard way and after it was almost too late. Stop with the petty excuses.

MIA commented on Jun 01 12 at 12:40 am

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sex IS important to maintaining intimacy in a relationship. AND IT’S FUN! Isn’t that how/why we made our babies in the first place? WTF ladies, don’t make us all seem like dried up old prunes. Put out every once in a while and quit whining about everything.

Diana commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:12 pm

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I think this article is terrible. Why is it humorous to that some peoples sex lives are in the toilet. Sad just plain sad. Who cares if the kids are awake or asleep… if your showered or unshowered…etc… If you don’t have sex with him someone else will. That is your husband, your man, whatever… If you don’t think for one second their isn’t some sneaky whore waiting for him to walk around sex starved you are wrong. Their are plenty of women out there who prefer someone who is already “attached” and NEEDS them. If you starve him out someone else will feed him… that is just nature. God designed us to want sex and to like sex, preferably with our mate. If you find yourself not wanting sex then try something new to spice it up, go to a doctor to find out if you are hormonally imbalanced, do it anyway until you figure out what is wrong. But, don’t slam the lid on the honey pot! The space between you and your mate will grow wider and wider until you are so far apart that you can’t someone else stepping in and him stepping out.

MM commented on Jun 19 12 at 8:09 am

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I am an ex mistress of a married man. When I met him I ask him why he wanted to cheat. His answer, ” For every woman that turns a man off there is one right around the corner that will turn him on.”

I gave this man what he wasn’t getting at home, as several before me had done. I was different though because he and I fell in love. When his wife found out about me she was irate. My words to her were, ” Because you wouldn’t take care of him you gave him to me and I am not giving him back.” And I didn’t.

I am an ex mistress because we just celebrated our 20th anniversery and he has never cheated. So for all you women who say no…as some of the comments have stated, ” You are a single woman in training.”

Nursejean1107 commented on Jun 26 12 at 12:10 pm

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There were nasty male excuses (we love sex, we can’t help it, ladies are tricksters, etc):
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Okay. So using the attitudes expressed above, you make excuses, regularly, and finally he, and he will, goes out and finds someone who will have sex with him. Sorry, you don’t get to be outraged !!! You do not get to go out regularly with your friends – who you spend more time talking to than you do to him, and commiserate, endlessly, about what sh**s men are. Well, you can do all those things, but it won’t do you any good. It might get you a nice divorce, but he will often consider that a damned good deal. It is often amazing what a good divorce can do for a man. Oh, and get this – you do not get to make all the rules in the relationship.

Blueboyo commented on May 05 12 at 8:20 am

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It’s all men commenting. You know why? We hear all these excuses and we need to understand that it isn’t just my own wife giving me the cold shoulder.

We try to be nice, we try to be understanding, and then we get crapped on by the person who is supposed to love us the most. We’re more than happy to have gabfest, to ‘just hold you,’ and to give you a little time alone when the kids are finally asleep so you can just chill out… but eventually there needs to be a certain social interaction that helps create the cement that keeps a marriage together (and people who pretend otherwise are lying to themselves).

Go long enough with the exucses and eventually, we stop talking to you. We stop doing nice things for you. We stop giving a rat’s butt about what you think. And then you get irritated with us because we’re ‘cold and unfeeling.’

Well, it’s ’cause you made us that way.

JD commented on May 06 12 at 12:21 am

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Don’t want to have sex? No problem. That’s what blowjobs are for.

David commented on May 31 12 at 4:04 pm

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Those excuses are keeping Ashley Madison in business. Good strategy girls.

Steve commented on May 31 12 at 5:23 pm

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Women, who are more controlling than men–by FAR, think that, ‘general’ BAD behaviour (including these excuses) are normal, customary, & required so that, they can keep their acquired ‘dog’ in check. I agree with nearly ALL of the commenters who chide & deride this arrogant & destructive mind-set which MOST women (attempt to) employ. Men are finally beginning to resist women’s pathetic need to feel ‘empowered’ so that, they can feel good about their insecure & weak minds. We’re tired of it–period! Any man who tolerates this crap from his female companion is a fool & is heading for a split/break-up. Women, please heed this advice: MUTUAL respect-&-courtesy is the ONLY way you will keep a man (with a back-bone). I think these ‘articles’ easily prove my point (in.re.–”controlling women”), &, there are soooo many more.

http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/04/11/14-things-you-should-not-say-to-your-wife/

http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2012/03/02/10-things-to-thank-feminists-for-and-10-things-we-still-need-to-work-on/

Thx,

“Love, Peace, Chicken-grease”
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Keith B.R. commented on May 31 12 at 6:30 pm

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I got “I’m depressed/stressed and have no libido.” Then, “I”m on antidepressants and they’ve left me with no libido.” Then, “I can’t have sex at night because it wakes me up too much.” Then, “I can’t have sex because I feel so sick all the time because I’m pregnant.” Then, “I’m a new mother and I’m really stressed and I don’t want sex.” Then, “I’m just getting older. All my sisters are the same way. They’re just not interested.”

Finally, after listening to this shit through six years of marriage, and being more understanding than a husband should ever bem I found out she’d been cheating on me with her boss for a the final year and a half. She hasn’t been able to explain to me exactly what happened; our therapist says that some women just need to have the excitement of an affair to revive their libido.

Having discovered this, I told her I wanted to have sex more often. She said her libido was gone because she felt such shame and guilt over the affair.

We’re getting divorced.

Men: Sex is part of marriage. Don’t cheat–it makes you less of a husband and a man. But tell her what you need and expect, and if it’s unacceptable–get out. Get out FIRST. I suspect this is the REAL reason women don’t want to have sex–they enjoyed the romance of courtship, but once the marriage is over, there’s nothing to be excited about, the daily grind begins, and then, she’d be very much in the mood with someone else.

Like, at every f’ing night of a conference; on days off she takes without telling you; or when she tells you she’s going out by herself to a movie and leaving you home with your kids. I swear to God.

Trout Almondine commented on May 31 12 at 7:27 pm

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She was 34, never married and did not want kids. A lot of fun in the bed. Sex was only2-3 times a week, but we lived a very busy lifestyle.
Then we got married. After a year she decided that she wanted a baby. I am older and my child is grown, but I understand the desire. Sex increases 4-6 times a week. I get very happy.
20 months and one fertility doctor later she is pregnant! Then the baby comes and sex comes to a near total stop.
The baby is not a toddler and sex has dropped to once every3 months, and them she complains about having it.
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I love her, but the fact is that if their was not a baby involved I would be so gone. I feel like I have had my whole life stolen from me in order to give her the one thing that she said she never wanted. I no longer get to travel, I have very little to no free time, and to top it all off I will not be able to retire until I am at least 71 years old.
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My marriage is a sexless disaster. As much as I love my wife and child I often with they did not exist. and her response is to constantly demand another child!
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Think what you want, but given the chance I would screw around in a heart beat. At least then there would be some sort of intimacy in my life.

typo commented on Jun 01 12 at 6:11 am

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Give an excuse for that too often and get ready to find your own home. No alimony either! You on your own!

Scott commented on Jun 06 12 at 7:07 pm

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Yes we started down that busy life of parents over 3 decades ago and I heard all of these. Hey guess what I worked from 3 am til 6 pm to get all the things she thought she needed so I could take care of her needs. I also did the evening cooking, laundry, vacuuming and all the yard chores and household maintainance. Oh yes I still desired her after all of this! Did I still want to talk, yes. But she did not want to enjoy physical intimacy. I finally told her she could haver as much conversation as I had sex. After all we each connect in a different way. Conversation is her way and sex is mine as is the case with most men and women. That was almost 20 years ago. We have had sex maybe once a year since and talked the same. You see I don’t need conversation, just communicating the to do lists and she does not need sex. So that is the way we live.

teebone commented on Jun 15 12 at 12:41 pm

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Guys, it’s the same BS with most women and relationships. The darned thing is…there are actually women with a similar high libido, you just can’t tell the difference in the dating stages. Your not gonna know until you’ve sealed your fate. Girls, if we knew you wanted to come home and watch TV, eat chocolates and pass out every night, we would have stopped by with a pizza, enjoyed your company as a friend then went home and got laid by the hot neighbor girl with no strings attached. But you already knew that, right?

Wolf commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:54 pm

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Okay. So using the attitudes expressed above, you make excuses, regularly, and finally he, and he will, goes out and finds someone who will have sex with him. Sorry, you don’t get to be outraged !!! You do not get to go out regularly with your friends – who you spend more time talking to than you do to him, and commiserate, endlessly, about what sh**s men are. Well, you can do all those things, but it won’t do you any good. It might get you a nice divorce, but he will often consider that a damned good deal. It is often amazing what a good divorce can do for a man. Oh, and get this – you do not get to make all the rules in the relationship.

Blueboyo commented on May 05 12 at 8:20 am

It’s all men commenting. You know why? We hear all these excuses and we need to understand that it isn’t just my own wife giving me the cold shoulder.

We try to be nice, we try to be understanding, and then we get crapped on by the person who is supposed to love us the most. We’re more than happy to have gabfest, to ‘just hold you,’ and to give you a little time alone when the kids are finally asleep so you can just chill out… but eventually there needs to be a certain social interaction that helps create the cement that keeps a marriage together (and people who pretend otherwise are lying to themselves).

Go long enough with the exucses and eventually, we stop talking to you. We stop doing nice things for you. We stop giving a rat’s butt about what you think. And then you get irritated with us because we’re ‘cold and unfeeling.’

Well, it’s ’cause you made us that way.

JD commented on May 06 12 at 12:21 am

Don’t want to have sex? No problem. That’s what blowjobs are for.

David commented on May 31 12 at 4:04 pm

Those excuses are keeping Ashley Madison in business. Good strategy girls.

Steve commented on May 31 12 at 5:23 pm

I got “I’m depressed/stressed and have no libido.” Then, “I”m on antidepressants and they’ve left me with no libido.” Then, “I can’t have sex at night because it wakes me up too much.” Then, “I can’t have sex because I feel so sick all the time because I’m pregnant.” Then, “I’m a new mother and I’m really stressed and I don’t want sex.” Then, “I’m just getting older. All my sisters are the same way. They’re just not interested.”

Finally, after listening to this shit through six years of marriage, and being more understanding than a husband should ever bem I found out she’d been cheating on me with her boss for a the final year and a half. She hasn’t been able to explain to me exactly what happened; our therapist says that some women just need to have the excitement of an affair to revive their libido.

Having discovered this, I told her I wanted to have sex more often. She said her libido was gone because she felt such shame and guilt over the affair.

We’re getting divorced.

Men: Sex is part of marriage. Don’t cheat–it makes you less of a husband and a man. But tell her what you need and expect, and if it’s unacceptable–get out. Get out FIRST. I suspect this is the REAL reason women don’t want to have sex–they enjoyed the romance of courtship, but once the marriage is over, there’s nothing to be excited about, the daily grind begins, and then, she’d be very much in the mood with someone else.

Like, at every f’ing night of a conference; on days off she takes without telling you; or when she tells you she’s going out by herself to a movie and leaving you home with your kids. I swear to God.

Trout Almondine commented on May 31 12 at 7:27 pm

She was 34, never married and did not want kids. A lot of fun in the bed. Sex was only2-3 times a week, but we lived a very busy lifestyle.
Then we got married. After a year she decided that she wanted a baby. I am older and my child is grown, but I understand the desire. Sex increases 4-6 times a week. I get very happy.
20 months and one fertility doctor later she is pregnant! Then the baby comes and sex comes to a near total stop.
The baby is not a toddler and sex has dropped to once every3 months, and them she complains about having it.
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I love her, but the fact is that if their was not a baby involved I would be so gone. I feel like I have had my whole life stolen from me in order to give her the one thing that she said she never wanted. I no longer get to travel, I have very little to no free time, and to top it all off I will not be able to retire until I am at least 71 years old.
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My marriage is a sexless disaster. As much as I love my wife and child I often with they did not exist. and her response is to constantly demand another child!
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Think what you want, but given the chance I would screw around in a heart beat. At least then there would be some sort of intimacy in my life.

typo commented on Jun 01 12 at 6:11 am

Give an excuse for that too often and get ready to find your own home. No alimony either! You on your own!

Scott commented on Jun 06 12 at 7:07 pm

I’ve heard so many of these, and I relate to so many of the comments above that I’m almost driven to tears – and I’m a MAN. Not that men don’t/shouldn’t cry, but I’m not sure that they should cry about SEX. The article above makes me angry, and some of the comments sound like things that I don’t want to hear (baby with her after already having raised my own child, etc) for fear that I might be going down the same road. The woman having the affair with her boss is depressing, not because I’m afraid my wife is/was cheating, but because if she is, all she needs to do is let me know so I can too. The thought has crossed my mind, and I’m not sure she hasn’t/isn’t.

I’ve heard so many excuses: busy trying to chase the almighty dollar, “my mind doesn’t work like that”/”Is that all you think about?”, “you don’t x, you don’t y, you aren’t ‘nice’ “, “you ____ed, ____ed, and _____ed (nearly a lifetime ago) and don’t you think that’s hard to get over?”, and the hits keep on coming. If you’re busy owning/running your multiple businesses, I understand, but I’d rather be poor and get it on even *sometimes* than live this life. It’s not all I think about; I’d still appreciate it if you thought about it and did it with me sometimes. I love you – mostly, but not like I would if we did it from time to time.
I’m realizing that you believe that the “mind” of everyone you know/control should “work like” yours; why not come ’round to my way of thinking, even if it’s only to be physical instead of being greedy, self-centered, controlling, and spoiled? I *used to be* ‘nice’ and I used to x, y, z, AND I did other stuff that was actually WAY good, but you never noticed until I didn’t do them: guess why it’s hard for me to be that way anymore. I can’t undo all the bad stuff I’ve done, but I wouldn’t have married you if I thought I was going to be “punished” so ‘ex post facto’: you should’ve hammered me then (or not married me), before I was committed.

Many of the Ladies above have said that if you make excuses, “he’s going to get it somewhere”. Well, I got sick of competing with the phone, dumb reality TV, work, FaceTime /w friends, travel with friends, etc. I had affairs w/ 2 different women (1 recently-divorced, 1 in a marriage similar to mine physically, but didn’t meet either on the internet – I don’t do that) in less than a week. I felt alive again, it was better than it EVER has been with my wife, and I don’t *love* my wife any less. I don’t feel good about it, but after a laundry list of excuses (many like the ones in the Blog above) for YEARS, I don’t feel as bad as others would say I SHOULD. I hate myself a little bit for cheating, but I hate her a little for making me feel it was necessary. She’s shown me that marriage isn’t such a sacred thing. She can subcontract house-cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. Why can’t I subcontract for some lovin’?

Browsing commented on Jun 06 12 at 11:15 pm

Yes we started down that busy life of parents over 3 decades ago and I heard all of these. Hey guess what I worked from 3 am til 6 pm to get all the things she thought she needed so I could take care of her needs. I also did the evening cooking, laundry, vacuuming and all the yard chores and household maintainance. Oh yes I still desired her after all of this! Did I still want to talk, yes. But she did not want to enjoy physical intimacy. I finally told her she could haver as much conversation as I had sex. After all we each connect in a different way. Conversation is her way and sex is mine as is the case with most men and women. That was almost 20 years ago. We have had sex maybe once a year since and talked the same. You see I don’t need conversation, just communicating the to do lists and she does not need sex. So that is the way we live.

teebone commented on Jun 15 12 at 12:41 pm

Guys, it’s the same BS with most women and relationships. The darned thing is…there are actually women with a similar high libido, you just can’t tell the difference in the dating stages. Your not gonna know until you’ve sealed your fate. Girls, if we knew you wanted to come home and watch TV, eat chocolates and pass out every night, we would have stopped by with a pizza, enjoyed your company as a friend then went home and got laid by the hot neighbor girl with no strings attached. But you already knew that, right?

Wolf commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:54 pm

Why not face the truth? The only woman that gives childish excuses is one who believes that SHE should control the relationship. She gives ZERO thought for the needs of her husband. Excuses show weakness as well as a dishonest nature. Most of you act as if the husband is just some tool to use at your discretion. He’s just an ATM….go make that money hubby. You are all fools. You want him to treat you a certain way, or touch you a certain way….but whoa…hold the boat, because if he wants anything even close to that, YOU have to present an excuse. You all act as if the husband does nothing around the house. Who takes care of the lawn? Who takes care of the cars? Who takes care of maintenance issues on the home? Who goes to work every damned day? Who does the bills? If you have a lazy bum who does nothing, NO EXCUSES, tell him what you think. But most of you idiots don’t have that. If you have a decent husband and you treat him like some kind of vibrator who is just there to pleasure you when YOU need it, guess what……make all the excuses that you want to your friends AFTER he has left your cold, lying butt for a woman who knows what a man needs and is willing to give it to him. You act as if men are cavemen, so, if you are going to treat them that way, they will act accordingly, and you are all fools if you truly believe that you can manipulate a man sexually in order to put yourself first and in control in a relationship. Want to know why the divorce rate is so high these days? Women who want to be in control and ration sex…..number one reason. But, go ahead and make excuses…..no need to reverse the trend now. So, who is the real dog now?

I don’t think so…. commented on Jun 19 12 at 9:14 am

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Oh, one other comment. TYPO….I totally understand what you are saying. It’s hard to be in a relationship where you were completely suckered in. She got what she wanted, now you are just an old trophy on a dusty shelf. She realizes that you are true to your vows, which means you are a good boy and won’t stray out of the yard. I’d say once that child is in his/her teens, break free from that prison that she has deliberately placed you in and run like hell. The child will have the right, in most states, to visit you at will without you having to go through those nasty custody battles. Usually once a child hits 14, the courts ask THEIR opinion instead of the mother/father. Look it up for your state. Start preparing for your freedom now. Women like that are ridiculous and psychotic. I’m not an expert…. this is just MY opinion. You don’t have to act on it. It’s what I would do if I were in your situation.

I don’t think so…. commented on Jun 19 12 at 9:23 am

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Thank you for reminding me why I got devorced.

Barnabas commented on Jun 29 12 at 3:30 pm

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Before we were married (2nd Marriage for both), i would go to her home. one night she told me she was sick. it was a 2 hr drive one way. i said thats fine, i just want to
see you. just before the lights went out she turned to me and said, I know you want it, i wont deny. in the morning she pulled it out in the kitchen, and asked where are we going now? to the bedroom? for one more time. i told my friend that she hurt me before we were married.
now 7 years later close to our 7 yr marriage, she has all the excuses. 2 nights ago, i asked politely of which the reply was you know i hurt my hand. my answer was, it is a long way from your pussy. she was extremely mad the next day, although i have not once raised my voice to her in 7 yrs.
yes, i am looking. it is not fun to have to leave the love of your life and sole mate, but when the sex is bad, the marrage is 90% bad too.
we were high school sweet hearts and we picked up 36 yrs later after not seeing each other since H.S. like we never left. i have done quit well financially + she has not. that is the sad part. doesnt look like we will grow old together either. same problem with other wife. the other never made an effort. at least this one did in the beginning. i can say as a friend of mine said many yrs ago, about a wife he had with a huge sex drive, “at least i had her for a coulple of yrs” she used to stop him as he left for work in the morning……..should have asked for her name~!!
Sad + disappointed but not down + out, yet. the worse of it is she doesnt know the real consequences of her actions as she will be starting out again alone and poor.

Bob Borders commented on Aug 16 12 at 9:48 pm

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Sounds like a bunch of selfishness to me. Almost everything I have read so far is me, me,me, I,I,I and what about me. You need to be more giving of yourself to your partner. Not everybody “feels” like having sex all the time, but you do it for your partner not for you. Both men and women need to make an effort to meet each others needs and desires. It has taken me a few years to realize that when I am attentive to my wife’s emotional needs, she is attentive to my physical needs. Example; do something around the house that you know she hasn’t done or has been asking you to do and you haven’t yet. I would almost guarantee she will be a happy woman and do something for you in the bedroom. Women,do something nice for your man like an unexpected oral, I will almost guarantee he will show you some appreciation. Now this isn’t a 100% anything but both will be surprised by the changes in attitude in your partner. Some relationships may be really far gone and this may take time, but no relationship is too far gone until divorce.

Steve commented on Aug 16 12 at 11:05 pm

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And then there were the rarer sensible comments:
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WHY would you need an EXCUSE?????! I am going with just say no. Why would more be needed in a GOOD relationship.

Laura commented on May 31 12 at 5:49 pm

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I married a younger man and almost as soon as the I dos were over I went into menopause…big time. I make efforts to have sex, but now he doesn’t want it. It’s been a pretty miserable 3 years…I’m sure for both of us.

kathy commented on May 31 12 at 6:13 pm

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Let me see….
My Ex stopped washing up “down there”, making him smell and taste NASTY.
Me performing oral sex on him quickly became a chore, and I no longer enjoyed it.
Also, He felt that brushing his teeth after smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes and drinking coffee all day was no longer necessary.
He was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I lived with criticism on a daily basis from him.
Of course, he complained all the time that I was never “in the mood” and expected me to initiate.
Why would I want to have sex with someone who didn’t respect me enough to keep himself clean,,,or to treat me like a person?

Celeste S. commented on May 31 12 at 6:28 pm

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So, no matter how big of an ass a man is, it is all because his wife won’t give him any!? Very funny! I gave my exhusband sex two to three times a week for twenty years and he was STILL an ass. Do you think it might be possible that he was just an unfeeling, cold, self centered ass…whether he got sex or NOT!
Duh! And to the men who insist they cant be kind considerate and lovinng to a woman because she does not give him enough sex, lets turn that one around,,,,if you ARE kind, considerate and loving..perhaps she will WANT to give you sex!

linda commented on May 31 12 at 8:42 pm

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I get what everyone is saying: but women need affection and kindness BEFORE bed. Sex begins at sunrise, and I don’t mean literally. I work full time at a VERY demanding job. He likes the money I bring home, as he’s very materialistic and loves the income. But he was waking me up EVERY NIGHT, 7 nights a week at 2AM sharp for sex. Every NIGHT. Then again at 4AM. I began to dread bedtime. I was so exhausted during the day I’d fall asleep at meetings at work. Tried to tell him. He ignored me. This went on for over 2 years of our marriage. That’s when I began to make excuses. Let’s not ignore the fact that he was hyper-critical as a person. He also told me in bed one night-angry with me about something-that a former girlfriend was “great in bed” and that “he really enjoyed himself and she enjoyed herself.” Think I’ll ever forget. And no-this was NOT after I’d begun to withdraw. It was in the middle of those marathon sex mornings. Last, hebegan to urge me to initiate sex. WHo wanted to? WHo had time??

Yvonne commented on Jun 06 12 at 4:13 pm

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why should women be forced to do things they don’t want to do?

b commented on Jun 16 12 at 2:47 pm

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The last 5 years of my marriage involved almost no sex. my partner was very ill and yet we shared intimacy of different sorts. Keeping someone feeling comfortable, as pain free as possible, helping with their mobility, feeding them, maintaining their dignity, inventing a different way to communicate when their voice and hand control have gone, that is true love, true intimacy. Yes, I missed the sex, but I miss my partner now, more. If you can do it and mean it, have a bunch of sex. I miss that too. But first and most important, keep the respect and loyalty.

harmony commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:57 pm

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Wow. I laughed when I read these excuses, then I read the comments. One person referenced that it’s not humorous that there are men living in sexless marriages. Just to clarify, I was laughing at the excuses, not the situation… But as a woman, I will say this – To the men: Stop with this, “what you won’t do, another woman will” please. Go and find that woman then buddy. LEAVE your wife, and find that woman. Don’t waste your time cheating like one comment said, it makes you less of a man. Tell your wife you don’t like the way things are, and if they don’t change you’re out. Be willing to deal with the consequences of divorce as well, don’t weasel into an affair to avoid alimony and/or child support because you still might end up having to pay it as well.

Women: Don’t make excuses. If you don’t want to, don’t. You’re a grown up and shouldn’t be making excuses for anything PERIOD. But be prepared to deal with the consequences. If your man wants sex and you don’t want to participate, he can and eventually will leave so he can get it. Simple as that.

Men need to speak up and say that the excuses on a REGULAR basis are out of hand. No one is saying you aren’t supposed to have expectations. But you need to question the excuses instead of chalking them up to something that women do to try to control men. Women are only “controlling” if you let them be. And not all women make excuses. Use your common sense and be an adult. You can tell if a woman has genuine issues or if a woman is just BSing you. I suspect a woman who uses several or all these excuses all the time is lying to you. Either way you won’t get any results by complaining that women are trying to control you with excuses to turn down sex. Fix your situation.

Tee commented on Jun 26 12 at 6:43 am

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I entered the last comment (so far):

I have heard this “men are simple creatures” bull since it first came out.  It’s getting tiring, and it’s showing itself for the excuse that it is by now.  No normal human being lives life as an unemotional beer-and-sex loving robot.  The “men are simple” myth serves three purposes:A: It pretends that men are “too stupid” to know what’s good, and so they shouldn’t be judged when they do something wrong

B: That it is desirable and natural for some persons to be simple-minded and that women should put up with these partners.

C: That being straightforward, honest, and simplistic (a good thing) is synonymous with having unrefined and unwholesome tastes and values (sex, beer, ‘n’ sports, etc), and with being shallow and not having any cares emotions (not a good thing).

The “men naturally like more sex than women” bull is also debunkable:

*Why would it be advantageous for a male to spread his seed around, instead of choosing the most suitable mate?  If both the man and the woman are choosy, then this will be the best chance for the offspring to have good genes.

*How can any good hearted person want to accept or be in support of the idea that an activity which is performed by two partners should be unenjoyable for one of those partners?

*If men want sex and women don’t, then isn’t every sexual encounter between men and women rape?  Surely that cannot be!  Sex is supposed to be agreed upon.

*”Women just don’t like sex” is an excuse for men who don’t want to have to pleasure their wives and who just want their wives to pleasure them.  Who would want to have sex with someone who doesn’t know how to pleasure you?

*Our society’s definition of “sex” refers to the act of putting a penis into a vagina (PIV).  This is not the only way to have sex, and, unfortunately, it is a way that tends to pleasure men more often than women.

If female-centric or non-penetration sexual activities such as stimulating the clitoris were considered by our soceity to be “real” sex, and not “foreplay” or “preliminaries” or “less important”, then women would enjoy sex more, because there would be ways of having sex that pleased them as well as the males.  We could have PIV AND other kinds of sex. Both partners can be happy.

The only reason many American men are simple and do not require a lot emotionally is because they are already emotionally fulfilled, because women are taught to fulfill men’s emotional needs, but not vice versa- men are told by society they do not have to love and care about their woman…that they can pretend to “love” her, by giving her gifts and sappy words in exchange for sex, and that this act is the same as genuinely loving a person.

It is not.

Pretending to be kind is not the same as being kind, and people will know if you are just pretending to be kind to them- if you are just going through the motions (saying all the right words, getting all the right gifts) or if you genuinely care about them.  No one wants to be close to someone who doesn’t care about them, and it gets easy to tell who’s faking.

It is not true that women are more complicated or emotional than men- they just have more complicated problems they have to deal with in life.

Anyone who believes a man has the right to cheat on his wife because she  won’t “give” him sex (something that is meant to be enjoyed, not given or taken), is a sick person.

No one withholds sex as a punishment.  All I see are a bunch of men who aren’t getting what they want and now they’re throwing a hissy fit and trying to blame their wife because they didn’t get to fire one off when they wanted to.

Headaches, children being awake, emotional stress, being angry at your partner because they treated you poorly, feeling tired, having to get up early- these are all legitimate reasons a person wouldn’t want to have sex, not “excuses”.

And never in my life have I ever believed that “men need sex” and “women need love”.  ALL human beings need love first and foremost, not sex.  Sex is just a wonderful and fun way of expressing love and having fun with your partner (in many, but not all peope’s opinion).

When people say that “men need sex, women need love”, what they mean is that men aren’t asking for love as much as women are- it’s not that they don’t need it.  Want to know why women are asking for more love?  Because men are encouraged to act like shallow, soulless sex-machines instead of embracing the humanity they were born with.

Women need to ask for more love, and men need to ask for less, because women aren’t getting love but men are.  Oh, and by the way, if you are only acting or pretending to be nice to your wife in order to get sex, you aren’t really being nice.  If you are only saying nice words, or buying gifts for someone so they’ll do something for you, then you aren’t really being nice, and the person may find out and resent you for not being genuine.

think about it- when someone does something nice for you, and you find out later they only did it so they could get something in return, do you evaluate that person as “nice”, or as “pretending to be nice”?  I would assume it would be the second.

And she’s not withholding sex from you as a punishment for being mean.  She doesn’t want to have sex with you because most normal, psychologically healthy people don’t want to have sex with someone who is nasty to them.  Then again, the majority of American men do not seem to be psychologically or emotinoally healthy.

And one last long and important point: you cannot feel emotionally hurt because someone isn’t having sex with you.  Not getting to have fun does not feel the same as being hurt or having someone be cruel or hateful to you.

I have seen loads of men who blab on and on about being “unemotional” creatures who only care about sex…and then whine that their girlfriend doesn’t love them because she won’t swallow them after they haven’t washed, or because she won’t “give” them anal.  How can a “simple creature” who is not emotionally sensitive (as many men describe themselves) feel unloved (which is an emotional thing)?
Answer: they can’t.  It’s a lie.  You can’t have no feelings and at the same time get those nonexistent feelings hurt.

“Men aren’t emotional creatures” is an excuse some (unfortnately, a large amount) men use in order to get out of having to love someone else, or care about them.  They need love.  They’d scream if they didn’t get it.  It’s just that they don’t want to have to love anyone else more than is convenient.

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As usual, I insist on having the last laugh!
Categories: Articles In English, Marriage/Monogamy, Radical Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “So Women not Wanting to Have Sex Involves “Excuses”?

  1. Sage

    Reading this makes me angry!!!! Because it’s bullshit!!!!

    I married a man who promised to give me the best orgasms ever…4 years later I’m raped in my sleep so that he can use me as a fuckhole, and not have to work to arouse me and satisfy me. I’m raped and dirtied at 5am, by 11am He asks for more, I ask for foreplay first…he turns on his ps3 to play. He goes to the gym 2 hrs a day, he says he’s gonna buy a racing car and that’ll take up his whole free time. Meanwhile I get foreplay every six months and have to end up using a vibrator because making me orgams is too much work…twice a year! Then, he’s paranoid I masturbate….because he knows what he does!!!

    All these asshole blaming women as sexless are lousy fucks!!! Their women don’t wanna give it up because they fucking suck!!! Assholes only wanna ram into women, dirty them, and pull out to go sleep…yet it’s women!!! We don’t like to play the inflatable doll game!!!!! That’s why!

    • What an asshole. Dump him. Trust me. Just…up and leave. Take your things (and maybe some of his- nah, don’t get arrested) and LEAVE. Preferably when he’s gone. Leave an inflatable sex doll on the couch for him so he gets the point.

      Many, perhaps most men only want physical comforts and not personal or spiritual ones, nor are they willing to give such comforts to others, especially women.

      As for the idea that men like sex more than women and are “easier” to turn on….no. Just- no. Men are the ones who initiate sex. Of COURSE they will always enjoy it more than women! They always get to decide when it occurs and therefore they will always choose times when THEY are “ready” or “in the mood”. They are never caught off guard or “not in the mood” when the sex happens, therefore.

      If women decided when to have sex, then perhaps men wouldn’t always be ready, and people would say “men don’t like sex and they need foreplay!” Of course, 99.7% of women would never do such a selfish thing.

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