Posts Tagged With: misogyny

I’d Rather Be Called “Boy” Than “Girl”: OJ Simpson, Women’s Rights, And Race

I’d rather be black than a woman.  I’m never going to apologize for that.  Until white women go around raping black men, I’m going to take the “it’s worse to be black than a woman” with a grain of salt.  The whole shaker, rather.   At least when you’re black, you don’t have to love someone from the group that oppresses you, the way women (most of whom are heterosexual) do.  You don’t have to be afraid of being raped, and you can at least go to “your side of the tracks” at the end of the day.  You enjoy the benefits of a bigger physical strength (probably socially-induced because of greater feeding and strength training) so you can be relatively safe if you’re a male.

I have written– at length- about the (seemingly) surprising tendency of liberals to be misogynists, often to an even larger extent than conservatives.  The OJ Simpson case is a sort of talking point about this matter.  Liberal men seem to hate women even more than conservative men.  At least, their ideologies are more destructive.  For all their talk about banding together to fight oppression along racial, religious, class, and sexuality lines, the fact that women are being abused is conspicuously absent.

During the OJ Simpson trial, one could turn on the TV and hear a lot about race, since Nicole Brown Simpson, OJ’s murdered wife, was white and OJ was black.  OJ was rich and famous and Nicole was not as much so, so we heard about class.  But how often did we hear about sex and gender?  Was not OJ a man and Nicole a woman?  Doesn’t gender and hatred of women fit (one might say “like a glove!”) into the topic of wife-beating?  If OJ was supposed to have beat his wife, does that not make it more likely he murdered her, too?  And if he had hateful views against females, doesn’t that mean it was more likely he beat her?  It doesn’t convict him, but is does shed needed light.

Andrea Dworkin speaks about the blatant evidence for OJ Simpson’s guilt:

Spectators of the trial who supported Simpson created a whole “all civilized people support Simpson because it would be racist not to” smokescreen to disguise the real reason they were supporting him: because he was being accused of harming their mortal enemy, a woman.  Racism suddenly becomes unfashionable when men find out they can bond with men of other races to the detriment of women.  This is not an accident, as in, “these men can’t help it, they aren’t educated about women’s rights!”  It is deliberate hatred of women for the sake of being women.

I have noticed the same thing in regard to the Emmett Till case.  Emmett Till was the black victim of a ghastly murder which was undertaken against him because he whistled in a sexual manner at a white woman.  He was not supposed to whistle at her because he was black, and people rightly protested the fact that blacks were treated worse than whites for committing the same wrong.  However, has anyone stopped to think why it took the murder of a sexual harasser to stir white men’s anger?  If Till hadn’t performed the ultimate bonding mechanism- sexual taunting of a woman- that binds men together (at least, the ones most societies deem “normal” men), would so many men have come to his help?

What if it was a woman who was harmed in a gender-specific manner, such as being raped by a white man, denied the right to an abortion, etc (as opposed to Rosa Parks, whose situation wasn’t particularly gender related)?  Would people be so quick to help her?  It seems the white men only cared about Emmett Till because, though not deserving of death, he did perform a misogynist act.  Race was just a very handy (because very subtle) smokescreen for covering up the fact that they were bonding with him over misogyny.

All the malestream media can report with regard to these two events is how racist both events were (obviously, race was much more involved in the Till case).  But what they refuse to report is that in both these situations, a woman was harmed, hurt, or abused in some way.  The malestream media, including history textbooks, do not side with Till and other black males because they are black and oppressed, but because they are not women.  Remember that.

Do I know OJ did it?  No.  Not the murder.  I don’t know.  I have not looked over the evidence.  However, I do know that there were elements other than race that influenced people’s view of the all-American “star”, whether or not people want to be honest enough to consider those.

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Categories: Africans and African Americans, Articles In English, Conservatism/Liberalism, Famous, Murder, Race and Ethnicity, Radical Feminism, Rape and Harrassment, Violence and Abuse | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Arrest Sean Connery

 

 

I have just come across this video in which Sean Connery admits that he believes women should be slapped in some cases, and that they use stereotypical behaviors he believes women perform in order to justify the abuse.  I suggest a human rights organization take a look at the issue. 

 

 

 

 

Since Connery is exhibiting behaviors and statements that mark him as a likely abuser and this warrants further attention.  Also, his lashing out against a protected group is in itself a crime in many countries and should therefore be dealt with. 

 

 

 

Sorry, no excuses for calling for violence on women.  Until we live in a post-patriarchal world, we will NEVER be able to determine if a particular slap was “deserved” or not or if it was laid on the woman because she is a woman.  It’s just too hard at this time to tell, so we must assume all violence against women is done because of bias. 

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Some controversial thoughts on male homosexuality

Some thoughts on the issue, in no particular order.

 

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I’m not quite sure how it happened, the current opposition to gays and homosexuality that many men feel.  Why do they hate gays so much?  What caused this all?  When?  There are a few theories I have about why men have hated gays, supported gays, hated lesbians, and why they sometimes hate one more than another:
1. They seemed to hate lesbians more than gays a few hundred years ago, during the early witch hunt eras, like when the prospect of a woman resisting marriage to a man was very dangerous to them, and there was no sexual liberation that allowed them to fuck and chuck any woman.
2. They seemed to somewhat ignore or try to block out the knowledge of gays or lesbians during the Victorian Era, since sex in general was immoral, and so was sexual deviance.  Gays were hated when discussed, but lesbians were invisible since women didn’t have sexual desires, they said.  Perhaps this was…better?…for the lesbians?  I don’t know.
3. Today being gay is severely punished, while being lesbian is called evil but is a little more ignored, or just considered butch, or lesbians get eyerolls or such.  This isn’t because these men hate women less, it’s because they are more focused on the horrifying prospect that men are being dominated by other men, and that they are being turned into women.  So, it is actually because they hate women so much they hate gays.   They still hate Lesbians, it’s just that the topic doesn’t always come up as much.

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I’ve noticed that a lot of the people opposed to homosexuality are women, especially religious women.  I wondered why this was, since women are oppressed as well as gays and since the oppression was along similar lines- sex and gender.  Then I started to feel like it might have something to do with this whole nervousness about sex and the body, especially the male body (since anti-homosexuality campaigns usually refer to male homosexuals).  Maybe women were offended by male bodies and male sexuality, so male homosexuality made them afraid.  Therefore they became conservative on the matter.

 

Then I figured that some instances of homosexuality on the part of men might be fueled by female hatred.  Homosexuals in the Victorian Era, like Oscar Wilde, often disliked women, eve though the popular stereotype is of homosexuals being effeminate.  A key reason may have been because they attracted to their own sex precisely because they disliked the other, much like the rugged cowboy, sick and tired of silly women, bonded in a sexual way with his own rugged brothers.

For example, the 2005 film Brokeback Mountain documents the fictional life of two cowboys who struggle with their homosexual attraction to each other, and the men seem to somewhat see the wives and children as a bit of a burden, annoying and frustrating their desires. These two men long to get away from their wives and kids and go out in the mountains and have an all-male homosexual relationship.

 

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When the masculinity supporting homosexuals use phrases like “you’re homophobic”, they really mean to mock people’s fear- their fear of sex and heterosexuals’ fear of differing sexualities.  It’s just like what men do to women who are afraid to have sex- they like to mock the “effeminate” fear of sex.

For these types of homosexual men, being against homophobia is not about tolerance and justice; it’s about the unacceptability of having a fear of sex, the unacceptability of having a fear of maleness and the male body, or fear of frightening and unknown sexual behavior.  It’s also about, not tolerance for justice’s sake, but about tolerance in the sense that they want to be able to perform any kinds of sexual activities they want and with any kind of partner.

Objectively, there’s nothing wrong with homosexuality, either male or female.  But to a woman who is frightened enough already about the whole topic of sex, frightened because of the behavior of men…do you think she’s going to react with logic and acceptance and tolerance, and without any fear when you introduce a whole foreign concept of sexuality and behavior to her, especially a totally male-centric one as male homosexuality?

Many women are opposed to both homosexuality and to lesbianism in theory, but are able to harbor and accept attractions to other women.  This may be because they see homosexuality and other forms of sexuality which include one or more male partners to be threatening.  It may also be because since the word “homosexuality” implies an attraction based upon physical body parts- i.e., it is an attraction towards a person’s physical, sexual body parts- and women see it as unemotional and are put off by the purely physical aspect of it.  They are put off by the idea that one’s sexual attractions should be determined by the body parts of the partner.  That’s what the average man is attracted by, they think.  Someone’s body parts.

Also, because they live in a male-run society, women define “sex” solely as a physical thing…but, being women (who have to bear the painful role in sexual activity) they think they don’t like sex.  Since any woman-woman relationships are going to include more love, and have less sex (or at least tie sex in with romantic love), they fail to recognize the relationship as a sexual one, and hence, a homosexual one, and therefore do not consider themselves lesbians.  After all, they figure, they can’t be homosexual if they aren’t having sex.

To sum it up, many women consider the subject of homosexuality frightening because it seems sexually exotic (and therefore dangerous), and because they believe that male homosexuality is too full of masculinity (two men) to be non-threatening.

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I’m wondering if this whole idea that most gays are effeminate is not an attempt to trick women into supporting the typical homosexual- the uber male who loves other males because they are male.  “It’s okay, we’re all into shopping and clothes and scented candles and puppies and purple!”  But are most homosexual not like that?  Do the masculine homosexuals push around the feminine ones? It seems so.

 

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Here’s what a lot of anti-gay women, or women who think they’re anti-gay, are thinking about the gay rights movement:

you guys have been allowed to fuck each other for god knows how long, in every society, even if it’s just in dark corners or secret clubs.  We have been begging to have the kind of sex we want without getting murdered as witches or mutilated by doctors to cure our lesbianism.  Not to mention the other abuses we suffer from being forced to accept your heterosexuality into our lives.  And now you have the nerve to come out and complain that you aren’t exactly being treated like how human beings are supposed to be treated, that you aren’t getting your assed pleasured as many times as you want, that your behavior is subject to a few penalties which you have to power to at least protest properly, while we don’t?

The gay issue is only an issue because it mainly involves men (lesbians are invisible to them) and because it involves regulations against sexual behavior.  If only lesbians existed in the universe, you can bet gay rights would never have become an issue at all.

 

 

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The gay marriage and gay sex question, for men, is about getting to do whatever they want; for women, it’s about being fair to others.  So you can see who has the better handle on what social justice means.

 

I was reading an article on the Radical Hub site and they were talking about male homosexuality and how taboo it is, and one commenter was like, “Where is male homosexuality taboo?  Men’s institutions are cemented by it, the priesthood, the public school, the army and navy, anywhere men gather in groups without women being present.  The taboo is on admitting it to women, and that, depending on the degree of patriarchy present in any given society, can be punishable by death.  Because it is breaking the code of the boys club, which corrals women’s bodies by controlling their minds.  Women must religiously follow heterosexual edicts, men are exempt.”

 

Ask any good history student, and they’ll tell you that men have been free to fuck each other all throughout history, with a few bans occurring on and off, often from women or from “effeminate” areas in the Church and from other moral-peddlers in society.

In Ancient Greece they were allowed- no, encouraged– to do it.

Ancient Rome, I believe, frowned on it a bit more but didn’t do much about it.

Alexander the Great was gay.

The Spartans were often gay.

Roman emperors had perverse sex with little boys.  (Google “Tiberius and his minnows”)

Sodom and Gomorrah in the ancient Middle East.

Jewish mohels who suck baby boys’ newly circumcised penises.

The Turkish bath sort of places and nude swim areas the classical era men attended to escape women.

The earliest Popes, who compared boys’ naked bottoms to the texture of a peach, and later Popes who instituted orgies in their halls.

Asian sexual practices in India and China and Japan with two young males or one adult male and one younger one.

Various European kings and princes and politicians, sometimes (or often) soldiers.

Masons and other “secret societies”- yeah, we know your secret!- during the American Revolution and the European Enlightenment and other eras.

Gay princes and composers and oddball writers in the 19th Century, like Oscar Wilde.

Cowboys in the old American West, and of course, Brokeback Mountain.

Actors, singers, and other artists who dabble in gay orgies or fuckfests both on and off the screen/stage/paper.

Modern monarchs like Prince Charles, who are caught engaging in homosexual activity at various times, a counterpart to their 19th Century and older European counterparts.

Locker rooms, restrooms, bathroom troughs, and steam rooms, even public street urinals in modern Europe in which men often show off to each other.

Muslim training schools and madrassas where men learn how to praise Allah and bone little boys.

 

What these men oppose when they’re opposing restrictions against homosexuality is not the unfairness of it all, or the pain and rejection that many homosexual men (mostly the effeminate variety) suffer at the hands of patriarchal men. They oppose, instead, not being able to do whatever they want to do, especially sexually.  They oppose not being allowed to have sex with other men, and hypocritically, they cry out against the “tyranny” of the Church and Victorian Era and other establishments- which they instituted themselves!- and blame the rare good aspects of the Church and religion and morality and all that, for acting “feminine” and not allowing them to have sex or revel in their masculinity. (The good aspects being “don’t hurt the innocent”, “everything in moderation”, “don’t be sexually irresponsible”, “look out for the little guy”, etc).

 

The fact that they aren’t able to open a simple history book and look at how unrestricted male homosexual sex has been in the past attests to their refusal to be objective and logical, and not to mention their uneducated demeanor whenever they approach any and all issues.   It also proves the casualness with which they blame people who are totally innocent in regards to restricting their disgusting behavior (nagging women, disgusted churchgoers, whiny priests, etc).

 

You think women cared if they went off and fucked other men?  They were probably happy to have them out of their hands, like Marie Barone is happy to see Frank go to the lodge in Everybody Loves Raymond.  Thank God for the mother fucking lodge!

 

And lots of the authorities that opposed homosexuality, even if they had stereotypically feminine reasons for doing so, like “morality”, or “safety”, they were established by males, and it was males who banned the behavior.

 

This aspect of history, the aspect of men screaming about how they aren’t allowed to be homosexual, it reads much more like men trying to regulate other men’s behavior, or even their own behavior……and then getting angry at women who chime in on the wrong side.  If you support homosexual men, you’re a witch.  If you oppose it, you’re a bitch.  Or an old crazy broad.  If you think about it, the issue of males being allowed to be homosexual is almost exclusively an issue that concerns them.  Men regulating other men and punishing them if they step out of line.

 

The only time women are involved is when they are used as cannon fodder for the anti-homosexual side to fight the opposition, or vice versa.  And of course, for when one side wants to attack the others’ cannon fodder (women), because heaven knows they would rather attack a woman whom their opponent has brainwashed to oppose them than attack another man, even one with violently different opinions. So I guess on a certain level, men love each other so much that most of them are homosexuals.  Some are just repressed and that’s what makes the differences of political opinion.

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If you’re an effeminate man, and you love another man and sexually attract to him for proper reasons, then you’re a pussy.  If you’re a woman, then you’re a cunt.  You can’t win.  It sucks.  Welcome to history class.

(I am ¾ done with a bachelors in history so I can kinda say that).

Categories: Articles In English, History and Political, Homosexuality/LGBT, Lesbianism, Patriarchy, Radical Feminism, Sex, Sexual Liberation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

So Women not Wanting to Have Sex Involves “Excuses”?

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http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/02/27/20-ways-to-snub-your-lover/?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150641989334271_23676200_10151017086789271

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This rather hurtful article was written by a writer called “Mommyfriend”, but she is no friend to mothers or to women, at least judging by the fact that her article implies women are making excuses for not having sex.

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The “excuses”: watching TV, kids are awake, kids might wake up, let’s talk instead, I need shower, tired. headache, I am too fat now, I’m too cold, let’s cuddle instead, legs too hairy, you did something wrong to me, I have unshaved crotch, upset about something else, period cramps, just showered and want to stay clean, ovulating, PMS, have to get up early, just had a bad day.

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Men know these are not “excuses”.  They know full well these are legitimate reasons a person might not want to have sex.  But because they want sex, they want to throw a fit and blame you whenever you don’t give them what they want, even if you aren’t doing it on purpose, or aren’t doing it to be mean.  They don’t care.  They just want what they want and are prepared to accuse you of something they know is unjust and untrue if they don’t get their way.  This is why they hire women like this- Handmaidens of the Patriarchy (HOPs, HOP’s)- to write this shit.

You would think spouses, especially mothers, would get a little more empathy and respect.  Sheesh!

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The woman who wrote the article is obviously mocking the “excuses” and the women who make them, even if it is a sort of self-mock (she uses the word “we”, as if she does it herself, or empathizes with those who do).  “You know these are just excuses.  We aren’t really worried we’ll wake the kids up!” she seems to sneer, as if she is trying to convince men that women are all sneaky liars by acting like she is one herself, and that so are her sisters, the amorphous “we” that she claims all women belong to- the “we” who are holding back sex for no reason other than that that’s how we roll!

These sorts of attitudes and behaviors are male-encouraged and male-enforced, and serve to provide men with an excuse to mistrust women.  “See, the bitch/chick/she-devil/psycho cunt who wrote that article admits it!  They’re all sneaky whores-and-prudes-at-the-same-fucking-time-omg-no-thats-not-a-contradiction who won’t have sex with us so they deserve to be cheated on and raped!!!!”

Hence, I don’t blame Mommyfriend for her article. She probably has bills to pay and a face to save, and even though patriarchy despises women equally on an internal psychological level, the women who conform to it are treated better materially and physically (though not always).  We must not blame the victim class, but instead, the oppressor class. To blame Mommyfriend for her article against other women would be like blaming a Negro slave for writing a pro-slavery article aimed at other Negroes, even though it’s obvious the white masters are making her do it, and that they started slavery to begin with.

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So, the article kind of pissed me off, and not to mention, was written in very unprofessional grammar and tone (I hope that makes people take it less seriously).

But what really bothered me were the comments below, some of which advocated emotional abuse of wives, misogyny, and outright cheating.  Let’s have a look:

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donaldhizer (signed in using yahoo)

ATTENTION LADIES: Men are simple creatures, unlike women. Men have three simple very basic drives, sex, food, and sleep. If you take care of his needs any self respecting man will be more than happy to take care of you and your needs. It’s really that simple!
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Donald gives a typical male response: We can’t help it.  We’re too simple for our own good.  If you can’t figure us out, it’s your fault.  You don’t deserve anything better than a simpleton.

A response to Donald:

nicegirl1578 (signed in using yahoo)

Not always true. I spent 4 years taking “care” of my husband, hoping like HELL he’d take care of me…it took cutting him to ribbons to get him to understand the pain he was putting me though while I waited for him to take care of me. Not every man is “simple” like you claim.
Reply · 3 · Unlike · July 7 at 4:33pm
This girl tells it like it is!!  The next commenter is another male excuse maker:
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Stephen Katz · Subscribe · Biomedical Equipment Technician at United States Army

Ummmm…. I do think he was generalizing. Don’t you??? Let’s not be so naive. OK? He also stated any self respecting man. Not quite sure how yours was, but I don’t think he was self respecting, because to be a respectful man also means that you are mindful of others as well. All in all I think his post is quite on point. 3 very basic drives is about right and yes– It really is that simple. Quit trying to thumb your nose at it just because you personally have a shitty husband.
Reply · 2 · Like · August 4 at 9:10am
Stephen starts off saying nice things, like how a respectable man respects others…then sneaks in the whole “men are simple!” thing, which
A: pretends that men are “too stupid” to know what’s good,
B: that it is desirable and natural for some persons to be simple-minded and that women should put up with these partners, and
C: that being straightforward and simplistic is synonymous with having unrefined and unwholesome tastes and values (sex, beer, ‘n’ sports, etc)
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Then I chimed in:
[me]

Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

Men are not “simple creatures”- they merely have more of their needs met by society so they think that means they can be selfish and not think about others, not cultivate a full personality and interests.Besides, I do not think my goal in life should be to fulfill a man’s needs.

Reply · 1 · Like · Tuesday at 11:17am
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Sounds reasonable.  I don’t think being simple and having an unfulfilling shallow life is good, nor is expecting a personal sex slave.  But Douchey von Douchenstein has to waltz in with:

Misi Waiki Tuimaseve · BYU College (CCWS)

[my name], are you married? If you’re not married, then your goal is not to fulfill a man’s need! That’s understandable “thank you for saying that”! But if you are married, then your goal is to fulfill the needs of your husband. And if your husband’s needs are not met and not satisfied with how you treat him, then never complain or get angry if your husband is meeting his needs and having sex with another woman!
Reply · Like · about an hour ago
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So if I don’t fuck my husband he can screw around on me?  Right.  Asshole.  Oh, and BTW, this is why I’m never getting married.  Take heed.  So I replied to him:
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[me] Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

No, jerk. sex is not a “need”- you will not die if you don’t have sex. Being married means loving each other, not serving each other. And it certainly doesn’t mean one partner serving the other only.Let me guess how often you get laid. Hmmm…never.

Reply · Like · about an hour ago
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Next comment from Douchenstein:

Misi Waiki Tuimaseve · BYU College (CCWS)

Hahaha @ [me]! In general, sex is not a need in life! It’s many times —> Lust! When you and your husband exchanged vows and your Yes I do at your wedding ceremony, your sex life was included as meeting the needs both you and your husbatnd! It’s not a need life wise, it’s a need between a man and a woman as a couple! When your husband wants to have sex with you, he needs to fulfill his feeling of enjoying sex, making love to or with his wife And if you don’t meet that need, then he can go find somewhere to meet his need.
Reply · Like · 25 minutes ago
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So it’s 1822 and when I said “I do,” this meant I belong to my hubby in the Biblical sense?  No. Uh-uh.  And I love the way he throws in that “but it’s for your pleasure tooooo!” schtick.  Besides, if having sex, like he says, is about fulfilling a feeling, then how can he get that fulfilling feeling from anyone other than his true love?  See how easy it is to debunk their lies?
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Shakespeare strikes again!:
[me]

Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

Um, I don’t know what era and/or country you’re from, but we no longer believe, as a society, that sex is a requirement of marriage. And never anywhere did I hear that a person is allowed to cheat on their spouse because they don’t get sex.And BTW, you are implying sex is something a person literally cannot resist, which is not true. You can choose not to have it, and you won’t die or blow up. If you won’t die if you don’t have it, then it isn’t any kind of “need”. That is, it’s something a person can control themselves not to choose to do.

Reply · Like · 2 seconds ago
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Boo-yah!
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Some other comments dotted the article, some good, but most bad:
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jayman77772004 (signed in using yahoo)

…habitually not giving sex to your husband is generally demonic…and to neglect it in marriage is to give an open invitation to Mr. Satan…
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[me]
  • Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

    I don’t think it’s “demonic” not to have sex with someone. You are severely exaggerating.Your comment reminds me of those Muslims who claim a wife who will not give sex to her husband is going to hell, or is full of demons.

    Or those Christians 500 years ago who said a woman who will not have sex with her husband is a witch.

    Sex is not something to be given and taken. It is something to be enjoyed by two people together.

    yuo’ve probably never been laid in your life.

    Reply · 1 · Like · Tuesday at 11:18am
  • [me] Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

    You truly ought to be arrested. That is, unless you are joking. I cannot tell if you are being sarcastic or not, that’s how stupid the comment sounds to my ears.
    Reply · Like · 2 seconds ago
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Mac Walsh · Hudson Community College

I swear, if my knees didn’t hurt so much, I’d think gay had to be better. Women are batshitinsane.
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[Yeah, because we’re the ones raping and beating and shooting people all the time.]
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A rare word of wisdom from a male commenter, who puts responsibility on men:

Edwin Snell · Matsumoto-shi, Nagano, Japan

Get real. giving in to your husband? Men begging for sex? ha ha ha you make me laugh. Women need sex MORE THAN MEN DO. A man who knows his stuff will know how to fulfill that need, and the woman won`t need to create a bunch a mental coping mechanisms for the bad sex.
(however, he does say that women need sex more than men…and this might be a way to trick women into having it!)
[me]

Works at Self Employed Jewelry Designer

I agree with Edwin.Men are taught not to respect women’s bodies and are taught, during sex, to only think about thier own physical enjoyment and not their partner’s. Hence, women do not enjoy sex with them.

In addition, many of the “excuses” (headaches, tired, etc) are not “excuses” at all, but are true and acceptable reasons not to want to have sex! Who wants to do any kind of physical activity when you have a headache?

Reply · Like · Tuesday at 11:21am
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Some comments were from women (or those who pretended to be women) who beat their sisters up for being mean and nasty sex-withholders:

OMG, so true…all of them, so true!!
http://www.ibebloggen.com/

Deanna commented on Mar 02 12 at 7:55 pm

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Women that don’t like and want sex should not get married. Sex is the most important part of marriage. It bonds two people together, reduces stress and is just damn good fun.

Unfortunately I was married to an jerk who didn’t like sex and made me feel like a slut for wanting sex and made my life a misery. If you don’t want sex, then let your spouse go, you are a poor excuse for a mate.

Dirty Girl commented on May 04 12 at 10:24 pm

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Making excuses not to have sex? As a woman who loves sex and especially giving my man oral sex…I find this article so sad that so many women don’t enjoy sex…NOT me. I have always had a strong and passionate sex drive so I can’t relate to the article. The more sex I have the better I feel about myself and body. I work out 2 hours a day…and still make time to ride my man “like a rental car…long and rough”

Blonde1 commented on May 06 12 at 8:28 pm

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I was married to a gynecologist and managed his very large practice; so many women were just not interested in sex. And I would hear these excuses used. Of course men can only be rejected so many times; and that is how its seems. Rejected by the one you love. Can you blame them for taking up hobbies for hours, hanging in the garage, not doing the little romantic things anymore, and for cheating. Egos begin to take a big hit and little chemistry and flirting, leaves an unsatisfied man with a temptation to great to resist. Think about that. Men are very simple, unlike complicated us. They love you and work to provide for and share a home with you. The intimate part is necessary and natural and very healthy mentally and physical. Culinary skills are much appreciated by the fellas and they enjoy being close and snuggling as well. But deprive them of that sexual need, they become unsatisfied and let down, then radars are up looking for someone to satisfy that need. And there are plenty of women ready to be the next Mrs. Personally I enjoy a very healthy libido and think sex is something amazing and special that forges a connection getting us through a tough and often difficult world. It is as God meant it to be. Peace and love ❤

Trish commented on May 07 12 at 12:59 am

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Well, I have recently started to say, “If you ain’t taking care of your man than someone else will”
It’s just that simple girls. Men are very easy creatures to please. I found out the hard way and after it was almost too late. Stop with the petty excuses.

MIA commented on Jun 01 12 at 12:40 am

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sex IS important to maintaining intimacy in a relationship. AND IT’S FUN! Isn’t that how/why we made our babies in the first place? WTF ladies, don’t make us all seem like dried up old prunes. Put out every once in a while and quit whining about everything.

Diana commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:12 pm

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I think this article is terrible. Why is it humorous to that some peoples sex lives are in the toilet. Sad just plain sad. Who cares if the kids are awake or asleep… if your showered or unshowered…etc… If you don’t have sex with him someone else will. That is your husband, your man, whatever… If you don’t think for one second their isn’t some sneaky whore waiting for him to walk around sex starved you are wrong. Their are plenty of women out there who prefer someone who is already “attached” and NEEDS them. If you starve him out someone else will feed him… that is just nature. God designed us to want sex and to like sex, preferably with our mate. If you find yourself not wanting sex then try something new to spice it up, go to a doctor to find out if you are hormonally imbalanced, do it anyway until you figure out what is wrong. But, don’t slam the lid on the honey pot! The space between you and your mate will grow wider and wider until you are so far apart that you can’t someone else stepping in and him stepping out.

MM commented on Jun 19 12 at 8:09 am

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I am an ex mistress of a married man. When I met him I ask him why he wanted to cheat. His answer, ” For every woman that turns a man off there is one right around the corner that will turn him on.”

I gave this man what he wasn’t getting at home, as several before me had done. I was different though because he and I fell in love. When his wife found out about me she was irate. My words to her were, ” Because you wouldn’t take care of him you gave him to me and I am not giving him back.” And I didn’t.

I am an ex mistress because we just celebrated our 20th anniversery and he has never cheated. So for all you women who say no…as some of the comments have stated, ” You are a single woman in training.”

Nursejean1107 commented on Jun 26 12 at 12:10 pm

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There were nasty male excuses (we love sex, we can’t help it, ladies are tricksters, etc):
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Okay. So using the attitudes expressed above, you make excuses, regularly, and finally he, and he will, goes out and finds someone who will have sex with him. Sorry, you don’t get to be outraged !!! You do not get to go out regularly with your friends – who you spend more time talking to than you do to him, and commiserate, endlessly, about what sh**s men are. Well, you can do all those things, but it won’t do you any good. It might get you a nice divorce, but he will often consider that a damned good deal. It is often amazing what a good divorce can do for a man. Oh, and get this – you do not get to make all the rules in the relationship.

Blueboyo commented on May 05 12 at 8:20 am

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It’s all men commenting. You know why? We hear all these excuses and we need to understand that it isn’t just my own wife giving me the cold shoulder.

We try to be nice, we try to be understanding, and then we get crapped on by the person who is supposed to love us the most. We’re more than happy to have gabfest, to ‘just hold you,’ and to give you a little time alone when the kids are finally asleep so you can just chill out… but eventually there needs to be a certain social interaction that helps create the cement that keeps a marriage together (and people who pretend otherwise are lying to themselves).

Go long enough with the exucses and eventually, we stop talking to you. We stop doing nice things for you. We stop giving a rat’s butt about what you think. And then you get irritated with us because we’re ‘cold and unfeeling.’

Well, it’s ’cause you made us that way.

JD commented on May 06 12 at 12:21 am

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Don’t want to have sex? No problem. That’s what blowjobs are for.

David commented on May 31 12 at 4:04 pm

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Those excuses are keeping Ashley Madison in business. Good strategy girls.

Steve commented on May 31 12 at 5:23 pm

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Women, who are more controlling than men–by FAR, think that, ‘general’ BAD behaviour (including these excuses) are normal, customary, & required so that, they can keep their acquired ‘dog’ in check. I agree with nearly ALL of the commenters who chide & deride this arrogant & destructive mind-set which MOST women (attempt to) employ. Men are finally beginning to resist women’s pathetic need to feel ‘empowered’ so that, they can feel good about their insecure & weak minds. We’re tired of it–period! Any man who tolerates this crap from his female companion is a fool & is heading for a split/break-up. Women, please heed this advice: MUTUAL respect-&-courtesy is the ONLY way you will keep a man (with a back-bone). I think these ‘articles’ easily prove my point (in.re.–”controlling women”), &, there are soooo many more.

http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/04/11/14-things-you-should-not-say-to-your-wife/

http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2012/03/02/10-things-to-thank-feminists-for-and-10-things-we-still-need-to-work-on/

Thx,

“Love, Peace, Chicken-grease”
==========================

Keith B.R. commented on May 31 12 at 6:30 pm

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I got “I’m depressed/stressed and have no libido.” Then, “I”m on antidepressants and they’ve left me with no libido.” Then, “I can’t have sex at night because it wakes me up too much.” Then, “I can’t have sex because I feel so sick all the time because I’m pregnant.” Then, “I’m a new mother and I’m really stressed and I don’t want sex.” Then, “I’m just getting older. All my sisters are the same way. They’re just not interested.”

Finally, after listening to this shit through six years of marriage, and being more understanding than a husband should ever bem I found out she’d been cheating on me with her boss for a the final year and a half. She hasn’t been able to explain to me exactly what happened; our therapist says that some women just need to have the excitement of an affair to revive their libido.

Having discovered this, I told her I wanted to have sex more often. She said her libido was gone because she felt such shame and guilt over the affair.

We’re getting divorced.

Men: Sex is part of marriage. Don’t cheat–it makes you less of a husband and a man. But tell her what you need and expect, and if it’s unacceptable–get out. Get out FIRST. I suspect this is the REAL reason women don’t want to have sex–they enjoyed the romance of courtship, but once the marriage is over, there’s nothing to be excited about, the daily grind begins, and then, she’d be very much in the mood with someone else.

Like, at every f’ing night of a conference; on days off she takes without telling you; or when she tells you she’s going out by herself to a movie and leaving you home with your kids. I swear to God.

Trout Almondine commented on May 31 12 at 7:27 pm

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She was 34, never married and did not want kids. A lot of fun in the bed. Sex was only2-3 times a week, but we lived a very busy lifestyle.
Then we got married. After a year she decided that she wanted a baby. I am older and my child is grown, but I understand the desire. Sex increases 4-6 times a week. I get very happy.
20 months and one fertility doctor later she is pregnant! Then the baby comes and sex comes to a near total stop.
The baby is not a toddler and sex has dropped to once every3 months, and them she complains about having it.
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I love her, but the fact is that if their was not a baby involved I would be so gone. I feel like I have had my whole life stolen from me in order to give her the one thing that she said she never wanted. I no longer get to travel, I have very little to no free time, and to top it all off I will not be able to retire until I am at least 71 years old.
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My marriage is a sexless disaster. As much as I love my wife and child I often with they did not exist. and her response is to constantly demand another child!
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Think what you want, but given the chance I would screw around in a heart beat. At least then there would be some sort of intimacy in my life.

typo commented on Jun 01 12 at 6:11 am

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Give an excuse for that too often and get ready to find your own home. No alimony either! You on your own!

Scott commented on Jun 06 12 at 7:07 pm

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Yes we started down that busy life of parents over 3 decades ago and I heard all of these. Hey guess what I worked from 3 am til 6 pm to get all the things she thought she needed so I could take care of her needs. I also did the evening cooking, laundry, vacuuming and all the yard chores and household maintainance. Oh yes I still desired her after all of this! Did I still want to talk, yes. But she did not want to enjoy physical intimacy. I finally told her she could haver as much conversation as I had sex. After all we each connect in a different way. Conversation is her way and sex is mine as is the case with most men and women. That was almost 20 years ago. We have had sex maybe once a year since and talked the same. You see I don’t need conversation, just communicating the to do lists and she does not need sex. So that is the way we live.

teebone commented on Jun 15 12 at 12:41 pm

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Guys, it’s the same BS with most women and relationships. The darned thing is…there are actually women with a similar high libido, you just can’t tell the difference in the dating stages. Your not gonna know until you’ve sealed your fate. Girls, if we knew you wanted to come home and watch TV, eat chocolates and pass out every night, we would have stopped by with a pizza, enjoyed your company as a friend then went home and got laid by the hot neighbor girl with no strings attached. But you already knew that, right?

Wolf commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:54 pm

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Okay. So using the attitudes expressed above, you make excuses, regularly, and finally he, and he will, goes out and finds someone who will have sex with him. Sorry, you don’t get to be outraged !!! You do not get to go out regularly with your friends – who you spend more time talking to than you do to him, and commiserate, endlessly, about what sh**s men are. Well, you can do all those things, but it won’t do you any good. It might get you a nice divorce, but he will often consider that a damned good deal. It is often amazing what a good divorce can do for a man. Oh, and get this – you do not get to make all the rules in the relationship.

Blueboyo commented on May 05 12 at 8:20 am

It’s all men commenting. You know why? We hear all these excuses and we need to understand that it isn’t just my own wife giving me the cold shoulder.

We try to be nice, we try to be understanding, and then we get crapped on by the person who is supposed to love us the most. We’re more than happy to have gabfest, to ‘just hold you,’ and to give you a little time alone when the kids are finally asleep so you can just chill out… but eventually there needs to be a certain social interaction that helps create the cement that keeps a marriage together (and people who pretend otherwise are lying to themselves).

Go long enough with the exucses and eventually, we stop talking to you. We stop doing nice things for you. We stop giving a rat’s butt about what you think. And then you get irritated with us because we’re ‘cold and unfeeling.’

Well, it’s ’cause you made us that way.

JD commented on May 06 12 at 12:21 am

Don’t want to have sex? No problem. That’s what blowjobs are for.

David commented on May 31 12 at 4:04 pm

Those excuses are keeping Ashley Madison in business. Good strategy girls.

Steve commented on May 31 12 at 5:23 pm

I got “I’m depressed/stressed and have no libido.” Then, “I”m on antidepressants and they’ve left me with no libido.” Then, “I can’t have sex at night because it wakes me up too much.” Then, “I can’t have sex because I feel so sick all the time because I’m pregnant.” Then, “I’m a new mother and I’m really stressed and I don’t want sex.” Then, “I’m just getting older. All my sisters are the same way. They’re just not interested.”

Finally, after listening to this shit through six years of marriage, and being more understanding than a husband should ever bem I found out she’d been cheating on me with her boss for a the final year and a half. She hasn’t been able to explain to me exactly what happened; our therapist says that some women just need to have the excitement of an affair to revive their libido.

Having discovered this, I told her I wanted to have sex more often. She said her libido was gone because she felt such shame and guilt over the affair.

We’re getting divorced.

Men: Sex is part of marriage. Don’t cheat–it makes you less of a husband and a man. But tell her what you need and expect, and if it’s unacceptable–get out. Get out FIRST. I suspect this is the REAL reason women don’t want to have sex–they enjoyed the romance of courtship, but once the marriage is over, there’s nothing to be excited about, the daily grind begins, and then, she’d be very much in the mood with someone else.

Like, at every f’ing night of a conference; on days off she takes without telling you; or when she tells you she’s going out by herself to a movie and leaving you home with your kids. I swear to God.

Trout Almondine commented on May 31 12 at 7:27 pm

She was 34, never married and did not want kids. A lot of fun in the bed. Sex was only2-3 times a week, but we lived a very busy lifestyle.
Then we got married. After a year she decided that she wanted a baby. I am older and my child is grown, but I understand the desire. Sex increases 4-6 times a week. I get very happy.
20 months and one fertility doctor later she is pregnant! Then the baby comes and sex comes to a near total stop.
The baby is not a toddler and sex has dropped to once every3 months, and them she complains about having it.
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I love her, but the fact is that if their was not a baby involved I would be so gone. I feel like I have had my whole life stolen from me in order to give her the one thing that she said she never wanted. I no longer get to travel, I have very little to no free time, and to top it all off I will not be able to retire until I am at least 71 years old.
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My marriage is a sexless disaster. As much as I love my wife and child I often with they did not exist. and her response is to constantly demand another child!
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Think what you want, but given the chance I would screw around in a heart beat. At least then there would be some sort of intimacy in my life.

typo commented on Jun 01 12 at 6:11 am

Give an excuse for that too often and get ready to find your own home. No alimony either! You on your own!

Scott commented on Jun 06 12 at 7:07 pm

I’ve heard so many of these, and I relate to so many of the comments above that I’m almost driven to tears – and I’m a MAN. Not that men don’t/shouldn’t cry, but I’m not sure that they should cry about SEX. The article above makes me angry, and some of the comments sound like things that I don’t want to hear (baby with her after already having raised my own child, etc) for fear that I might be going down the same road. The woman having the affair with her boss is depressing, not because I’m afraid my wife is/was cheating, but because if she is, all she needs to do is let me know so I can too. The thought has crossed my mind, and I’m not sure she hasn’t/isn’t.

I’ve heard so many excuses: busy trying to chase the almighty dollar, “my mind doesn’t work like that”/”Is that all you think about?”, “you don’t x, you don’t y, you aren’t ‘nice’ “, “you ____ed, ____ed, and _____ed (nearly a lifetime ago) and don’t you think that’s hard to get over?”, and the hits keep on coming. If you’re busy owning/running your multiple businesses, I understand, but I’d rather be poor and get it on even *sometimes* than live this life. It’s not all I think about; I’d still appreciate it if you thought about it and did it with me sometimes. I love you – mostly, but not like I would if we did it from time to time.
I’m realizing that you believe that the “mind” of everyone you know/control should “work like” yours; why not come ’round to my way of thinking, even if it’s only to be physical instead of being greedy, self-centered, controlling, and spoiled? I *used to be* ‘nice’ and I used to x, y, z, AND I did other stuff that was actually WAY good, but you never noticed until I didn’t do them: guess why it’s hard for me to be that way anymore. I can’t undo all the bad stuff I’ve done, but I wouldn’t have married you if I thought I was going to be “punished” so ‘ex post facto’: you should’ve hammered me then (or not married me), before I was committed.

Many of the Ladies above have said that if you make excuses, “he’s going to get it somewhere”. Well, I got sick of competing with the phone, dumb reality TV, work, FaceTime /w friends, travel with friends, etc. I had affairs w/ 2 different women (1 recently-divorced, 1 in a marriage similar to mine physically, but didn’t meet either on the internet – I don’t do that) in less than a week. I felt alive again, it was better than it EVER has been with my wife, and I don’t *love* my wife any less. I don’t feel good about it, but after a laundry list of excuses (many like the ones in the Blog above) for YEARS, I don’t feel as bad as others would say I SHOULD. I hate myself a little bit for cheating, but I hate her a little for making me feel it was necessary. She’s shown me that marriage isn’t such a sacred thing. She can subcontract house-cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. Why can’t I subcontract for some lovin’?

Browsing commented on Jun 06 12 at 11:15 pm

Yes we started down that busy life of parents over 3 decades ago and I heard all of these. Hey guess what I worked from 3 am til 6 pm to get all the things she thought she needed so I could take care of her needs. I also did the evening cooking, laundry, vacuuming and all the yard chores and household maintainance. Oh yes I still desired her after all of this! Did I still want to talk, yes. But she did not want to enjoy physical intimacy. I finally told her she could haver as much conversation as I had sex. After all we each connect in a different way. Conversation is her way and sex is mine as is the case with most men and women. That was almost 20 years ago. We have had sex maybe once a year since and talked the same. You see I don’t need conversation, just communicating the to do lists and she does not need sex. So that is the way we live.

teebone commented on Jun 15 12 at 12:41 pm

Guys, it’s the same BS with most women and relationships. The darned thing is…there are actually women with a similar high libido, you just can’t tell the difference in the dating stages. Your not gonna know until you’ve sealed your fate. Girls, if we knew you wanted to come home and watch TV, eat chocolates and pass out every night, we would have stopped by with a pizza, enjoyed your company as a friend then went home and got laid by the hot neighbor girl with no strings attached. But you already knew that, right?

Wolf commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:54 pm

Why not face the truth? The only woman that gives childish excuses is one who believes that SHE should control the relationship. She gives ZERO thought for the needs of her husband. Excuses show weakness as well as a dishonest nature. Most of you act as if the husband is just some tool to use at your discretion. He’s just an ATM….go make that money hubby. You are all fools. You want him to treat you a certain way, or touch you a certain way….but whoa…hold the boat, because if he wants anything even close to that, YOU have to present an excuse. You all act as if the husband does nothing around the house. Who takes care of the lawn? Who takes care of the cars? Who takes care of maintenance issues on the home? Who goes to work every damned day? Who does the bills? If you have a lazy bum who does nothing, NO EXCUSES, tell him what you think. But most of you idiots don’t have that. If you have a decent husband and you treat him like some kind of vibrator who is just there to pleasure you when YOU need it, guess what……make all the excuses that you want to your friends AFTER he has left your cold, lying butt for a woman who knows what a man needs and is willing to give it to him. You act as if men are cavemen, so, if you are going to treat them that way, they will act accordingly, and you are all fools if you truly believe that you can manipulate a man sexually in order to put yourself first and in control in a relationship. Want to know why the divorce rate is so high these days? Women who want to be in control and ration sex…..number one reason. But, go ahead and make excuses…..no need to reverse the trend now. So, who is the real dog now?

I don’t think so…. commented on Jun 19 12 at 9:14 am

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Oh, one other comment. TYPO….I totally understand what you are saying. It’s hard to be in a relationship where you were completely suckered in. She got what she wanted, now you are just an old trophy on a dusty shelf. She realizes that you are true to your vows, which means you are a good boy and won’t stray out of the yard. I’d say once that child is in his/her teens, break free from that prison that she has deliberately placed you in and run like hell. The child will have the right, in most states, to visit you at will without you having to go through those nasty custody battles. Usually once a child hits 14, the courts ask THEIR opinion instead of the mother/father. Look it up for your state. Start preparing for your freedom now. Women like that are ridiculous and psychotic. I’m not an expert…. this is just MY opinion. You don’t have to act on it. It’s what I would do if I were in your situation.

I don’t think so…. commented on Jun 19 12 at 9:23 am

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Thank you for reminding me why I got devorced.

Barnabas commented on Jun 29 12 at 3:30 pm

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Before we were married (2nd Marriage for both), i would go to her home. one night she told me she was sick. it was a 2 hr drive one way. i said thats fine, i just want to
see you. just before the lights went out she turned to me and said, I know you want it, i wont deny. in the morning she pulled it out in the kitchen, and asked where are we going now? to the bedroom? for one more time. i told my friend that she hurt me before we were married.
now 7 years later close to our 7 yr marriage, she has all the excuses. 2 nights ago, i asked politely of which the reply was you know i hurt my hand. my answer was, it is a long way from your pussy. she was extremely mad the next day, although i have not once raised my voice to her in 7 yrs.
yes, i am looking. it is not fun to have to leave the love of your life and sole mate, but when the sex is bad, the marrage is 90% bad too.
we were high school sweet hearts and we picked up 36 yrs later after not seeing each other since H.S. like we never left. i have done quit well financially + she has not. that is the sad part. doesnt look like we will grow old together either. same problem with other wife. the other never made an effort. at least this one did in the beginning. i can say as a friend of mine said many yrs ago, about a wife he had with a huge sex drive, “at least i had her for a coulple of yrs” she used to stop him as he left for work in the morning……..should have asked for her name~!!
Sad + disappointed but not down + out, yet. the worse of it is she doesnt know the real consequences of her actions as she will be starting out again alone and poor.

Bob Borders commented on Aug 16 12 at 9:48 pm

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Sounds like a bunch of selfishness to me. Almost everything I have read so far is me, me,me, I,I,I and what about me. You need to be more giving of yourself to your partner. Not everybody “feels” like having sex all the time, but you do it for your partner not for you. Both men and women need to make an effort to meet each others needs and desires. It has taken me a few years to realize that when I am attentive to my wife’s emotional needs, she is attentive to my physical needs. Example; do something around the house that you know she hasn’t done or has been asking you to do and you haven’t yet. I would almost guarantee she will be a happy woman and do something for you in the bedroom. Women,do something nice for your man like an unexpected oral, I will almost guarantee he will show you some appreciation. Now this isn’t a 100% anything but both will be surprised by the changes in attitude in your partner. Some relationships may be really far gone and this may take time, but no relationship is too far gone until divorce.

Steve commented on Aug 16 12 at 11:05 pm

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And then there were the rarer sensible comments:
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WHY would you need an EXCUSE?????! I am going with just say no. Why would more be needed in a GOOD relationship.

Laura commented on May 31 12 at 5:49 pm

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I married a younger man and almost as soon as the I dos were over I went into menopause…big time. I make efforts to have sex, but now he doesn’t want it. It’s been a pretty miserable 3 years…I’m sure for both of us.

kathy commented on May 31 12 at 6:13 pm

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Let me see….
My Ex stopped washing up “down there”, making him smell and taste NASTY.
Me performing oral sex on him quickly became a chore, and I no longer enjoyed it.
Also, He felt that brushing his teeth after smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes and drinking coffee all day was no longer necessary.
He was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I lived with criticism on a daily basis from him.
Of course, he complained all the time that I was never “in the mood” and expected me to initiate.
Why would I want to have sex with someone who didn’t respect me enough to keep himself clean,,,or to treat me like a person?

Celeste S. commented on May 31 12 at 6:28 pm

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So, no matter how big of an ass a man is, it is all because his wife won’t give him any!? Very funny! I gave my exhusband sex two to three times a week for twenty years and he was STILL an ass. Do you think it might be possible that he was just an unfeeling, cold, self centered ass…whether he got sex or NOT!
Duh! And to the men who insist they cant be kind considerate and lovinng to a woman because she does not give him enough sex, lets turn that one around,,,,if you ARE kind, considerate and loving..perhaps she will WANT to give you sex!

linda commented on May 31 12 at 8:42 pm

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I get what everyone is saying: but women need affection and kindness BEFORE bed. Sex begins at sunrise, and I don’t mean literally. I work full time at a VERY demanding job. He likes the money I bring home, as he’s very materialistic and loves the income. But he was waking me up EVERY NIGHT, 7 nights a week at 2AM sharp for sex. Every NIGHT. Then again at 4AM. I began to dread bedtime. I was so exhausted during the day I’d fall asleep at meetings at work. Tried to tell him. He ignored me. This went on for over 2 years of our marriage. That’s when I began to make excuses. Let’s not ignore the fact that he was hyper-critical as a person. He also told me in bed one night-angry with me about something-that a former girlfriend was “great in bed” and that “he really enjoyed himself and she enjoyed herself.” Think I’ll ever forget. And no-this was NOT after I’d begun to withdraw. It was in the middle of those marathon sex mornings. Last, hebegan to urge me to initiate sex. WHo wanted to? WHo had time??

Yvonne commented on Jun 06 12 at 4:13 pm

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why should women be forced to do things they don’t want to do?

b commented on Jun 16 12 at 2:47 pm

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The last 5 years of my marriage involved almost no sex. my partner was very ill and yet we shared intimacy of different sorts. Keeping someone feeling comfortable, as pain free as possible, helping with their mobility, feeding them, maintaining their dignity, inventing a different way to communicate when their voice and hand control have gone, that is true love, true intimacy. Yes, I missed the sex, but I miss my partner now, more. If you can do it and mean it, have a bunch of sex. I miss that too. But first and most important, keep the respect and loyalty.

harmony commented on Jun 18 12 at 7:57 pm

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Wow. I laughed when I read these excuses, then I read the comments. One person referenced that it’s not humorous that there are men living in sexless marriages. Just to clarify, I was laughing at the excuses, not the situation… But as a woman, I will say this – To the men: Stop with this, “what you won’t do, another woman will” please. Go and find that woman then buddy. LEAVE your wife, and find that woman. Don’t waste your time cheating like one comment said, it makes you less of a man. Tell your wife you don’t like the way things are, and if they don’t change you’re out. Be willing to deal with the consequences of divorce as well, don’t weasel into an affair to avoid alimony and/or child support because you still might end up having to pay it as well.

Women: Don’t make excuses. If you don’t want to, don’t. You’re a grown up and shouldn’t be making excuses for anything PERIOD. But be prepared to deal with the consequences. If your man wants sex and you don’t want to participate, he can and eventually will leave so he can get it. Simple as that.

Men need to speak up and say that the excuses on a REGULAR basis are out of hand. No one is saying you aren’t supposed to have expectations. But you need to question the excuses instead of chalking them up to something that women do to try to control men. Women are only “controlling” if you let them be. And not all women make excuses. Use your common sense and be an adult. You can tell if a woman has genuine issues or if a woman is just BSing you. I suspect a woman who uses several or all these excuses all the time is lying to you. Either way you won’t get any results by complaining that women are trying to control you with excuses to turn down sex. Fix your situation.

Tee commented on Jun 26 12 at 6:43 am

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I entered the last comment (so far):

I have heard this “men are simple creatures” bull since it first came out.  It’s getting tiring, and it’s showing itself for the excuse that it is by now.  No normal human being lives life as an unemotional beer-and-sex loving robot.  The “men are simple” myth serves three purposes:A: It pretends that men are “too stupid” to know what’s good, and so they shouldn’t be judged when they do something wrong

B: That it is desirable and natural for some persons to be simple-minded and that women should put up with these partners.

C: That being straightforward, honest, and simplistic (a good thing) is synonymous with having unrefined and unwholesome tastes and values (sex, beer, ‘n’ sports, etc), and with being shallow and not having any cares emotions (not a good thing).

The “men naturally like more sex than women” bull is also debunkable:

*Why would it be advantageous for a male to spread his seed around, instead of choosing the most suitable mate?  If both the man and the woman are choosy, then this will be the best chance for the offspring to have good genes.

*How can any good hearted person want to accept or be in support of the idea that an activity which is performed by two partners should be unenjoyable for one of those partners?

*If men want sex and women don’t, then isn’t every sexual encounter between men and women rape?  Surely that cannot be!  Sex is supposed to be agreed upon.

*”Women just don’t like sex” is an excuse for men who don’t want to have to pleasure their wives and who just want their wives to pleasure them.  Who would want to have sex with someone who doesn’t know how to pleasure you?

*Our society’s definition of “sex” refers to the act of putting a penis into a vagina (PIV).  This is not the only way to have sex, and, unfortunately, it is a way that tends to pleasure men more often than women.

If female-centric or non-penetration sexual activities such as stimulating the clitoris were considered by our soceity to be “real” sex, and not “foreplay” or “preliminaries” or “less important”, then women would enjoy sex more, because there would be ways of having sex that pleased them as well as the males.  We could have PIV AND other kinds of sex. Both partners can be happy.

The only reason many American men are simple and do not require a lot emotionally is because they are already emotionally fulfilled, because women are taught to fulfill men’s emotional needs, but not vice versa- men are told by society they do not have to love and care about their woman…that they can pretend to “love” her, by giving her gifts and sappy words in exchange for sex, and that this act is the same as genuinely loving a person.

It is not.

Pretending to be kind is not the same as being kind, and people will know if you are just pretending to be kind to them- if you are just going through the motions (saying all the right words, getting all the right gifts) or if you genuinely care about them.  No one wants to be close to someone who doesn’t care about them, and it gets easy to tell who’s faking.

It is not true that women are more complicated or emotional than men- they just have more complicated problems they have to deal with in life.

Anyone who believes a man has the right to cheat on his wife because she  won’t “give” him sex (something that is meant to be enjoyed, not given or taken), is a sick person.

No one withholds sex as a punishment.  All I see are a bunch of men who aren’t getting what they want and now they’re throwing a hissy fit and trying to blame their wife because they didn’t get to fire one off when they wanted to.

Headaches, children being awake, emotional stress, being angry at your partner because they treated you poorly, feeling tired, having to get up early- these are all legitimate reasons a person wouldn’t want to have sex, not “excuses”.

And never in my life have I ever believed that “men need sex” and “women need love”.  ALL human beings need love first and foremost, not sex.  Sex is just a wonderful and fun way of expressing love and having fun with your partner (in many, but not all peope’s opinion).

When people say that “men need sex, women need love”, what they mean is that men aren’t asking for love as much as women are- it’s not that they don’t need it.  Want to know why women are asking for more love?  Because men are encouraged to act like shallow, soulless sex-machines instead of embracing the humanity they were born with.

Women need to ask for more love, and men need to ask for less, because women aren’t getting love but men are.  Oh, and by the way, if you are only acting or pretending to be nice to your wife in order to get sex, you aren’t really being nice.  If you are only saying nice words, or buying gifts for someone so they’ll do something for you, then you aren’t really being nice, and the person may find out and resent you for not being genuine.

think about it- when someone does something nice for you, and you find out later they only did it so they could get something in return, do you evaluate that person as “nice”, or as “pretending to be nice”?  I would assume it would be the second.

And she’s not withholding sex from you as a punishment for being mean.  She doesn’t want to have sex with you because most normal, psychologically healthy people don’t want to have sex with someone who is nasty to them.  Then again, the majority of American men do not seem to be psychologically or emotinoally healthy.

And one last long and important point: you cannot feel emotionally hurt because someone isn’t having sex with you.  Not getting to have fun does not feel the same as being hurt or having someone be cruel or hateful to you.

I have seen loads of men who blab on and on about being “unemotional” creatures who only care about sex…and then whine that their girlfriend doesn’t love them because she won’t swallow them after they haven’t washed, or because she won’t “give” them anal.  How can a “simple creature” who is not emotionally sensitive (as many men describe themselves) feel unloved (which is an emotional thing)?
Answer: they can’t.  It’s a lie.  You can’t have no feelings and at the same time get those nonexistent feelings hurt.

“Men aren’t emotional creatures” is an excuse some (unfortnately, a large amount) men use in order to get out of having to love someone else, or care about them.  They need love.  They’d scream if they didn’t get it.  It’s just that they don’t want to have to love anyone else more than is convenient.

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As usual, I insist on having the last laugh!
Categories: Articles In English, Marriage/Monogamy, Radical Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Titanic Is Considered a “Women’s” Film

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Plot Spoiler Ahead.

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Titanic is a grand-scale epic by James Cameron about the sinking of the ship and about a young woman, Rose DeWitt Bucater (Kate Winslet) who falls for a poor artist, Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) while on board, rejecting her family and her evil fiancé, Caledon Hockley (Billy Zane).  After the ship sinks, the two lovers escape together but Jack dies, leaving Rose to abandon her past life and live as he suggested, by following her heart.  It is one of my all time favorite movies.

Rose is attractive but doesn’t have the typical model figure.  She is not large, but is a healthy weight, and has a lovely face, unlike the popular actresses and “fuckable” models of today.   Her costumes are lovely and colorful, and though they are often uncomfortable looking, they are enjoyable to look at, unlike the chrome colored crap the “heroines” of mainstream action films wear.   The costumes, colors, and music in the film are vivid and romantic, a rejection of the “masculine” norm of being unemotional and uncultured.

Technology symbolizes masculinity in the film, and often in real life.  Technology is something you use to conquer nature, and something you associate with our world’s idea of masculinity.  The Titanic is all about SIZE and the male preoccupation with it, as Rose says.

The film lampoons the sexist behavior of the men by portraying them as knowing what they’re doing is wrong.  It doesn’t try to go all existentialist and avante garde and say that there are two sides to every story, you have to look at things from a different point of view, no one’s really evil, it was a different time and place blah blah blah.

Titanic portrays very strong women, like Kathy Bates’ Unsinkable Molly Brown and Rose, and portrays only the upper class men as disrespectful towards women but not poor men, since the lower class is synonymous with femininity, and therefore is the butt of the male establishment’s hatred.  (I don’t see it as a case of masking the fact that masculinity is the problem by presenting lower class men as “better” or making it an economic issue rather than a male hatred issue).

One night, Rose tries to commit suicide by jumping off the back of the ship, and Jack talks her out of it.  As she comes back over the railings, she slips and almost goes overboard.  She screams and the ship authorities come running, just as Rose falls on the ground, her dress hiked up and Jack standing over her.  Of course, they assume it’s a rape scene, because underneath, they all know many, if not most men are emotionally capable of it.  Rose says she slipped trying to see the propellers and they mock her for being womanly and such.

Jack isn’t afraid of the female body, and draws pictures of prostitutes and other women, including an elderly woman who waits for her lost lover.  He doesn’t have love affairs with the women he draws- only with some of their hands.  He’s more of a personality guy.

By falling in love with Jack, Rose makes a romantic and sexual choice of her own volition, and she chooses an acceptable, enlightened, unbigoted man, who is fun to boot.  Jack is protective, but not because he’s a man; rather, because he’s been more exposed to the world and knows the ropes.  It also speaks volumes that she chooses a man below her power level, a man who supposedly isn’t as “biologically attractive” (strong, domineering) as a rich man.  It means she chooses out of love, not out of the wish to replicate an irrational fetishized power structure.

One night, Jack invites Rose down to a third class party with wild Irish music and beer, where she shows off her toughness by standing on her toes like a ballerina (showing that the harshness of female standards is just as harsh as the toughness standards for men, even more so sometimes).  The next morning, Cal, having found out about her escapades, tells her he’s disappointed she didn’t come to bed with him that night and honor him the way a wife is required to.  She tells him he cannot command her like a foreman in his mills, so he flips over a table and storms off, leaving her upset as the maid rushes in and tries to help Rose clean up.  She tells the maid it was an accident, as many women do, since they are afraid to blame males even when speaking to other women.  This movie does something important in that it shows what really happens behind the scenes when a woman appears to be confused or upset for “no” reason.  (of course, no one should assume there is no reason, and all people have the capacity to understand there may be a reason for the emotions, so there’s no excuse- but scenes like this help us tell the truth about those causes to those who would deny it).

Jack sees Rose naked without initiating sex with her.  He is very professional when he paints her.  He is sensitive and artistic without being odd and jarring and nihilistic, as some artists are.  Jack’s different without being repulsive; he retains his innocence, which is the proper way to be different and creative.
There was a quote on Wikipedia (a male controlled site) that said a newspaper or film review claimed men liked Titanic because Jack got Rose to take her clothes off by offering to draw her.  Watch the movie.  Nowhere in that film does this happen.  She is the one who offers to do a naked drawing.  And Jack isn’t the sort of man who allows bad men to define his existence, which is why he is demeaned and abused by Rose’s misogynistic fiancé, Cal.

Cal, Rose’s fiancé, calls her a little slut when she decides to let Jack draw her naked, and later accuses her of preferring to be a whore than to be his wife, and she says she’d rather be Jack’s whore than Cal’s wife, and spits in his face.

Rose is portrayed as equal or maybe dominant in the relationship with Jack.  She initiated the sex.  She saves him from danger.  She calls all the shots because she’s rich.  Her sexual experience is happy and purpose-driven.  She has sex with Jack because she WANTS to, not because she has to.  He is not drawn to her weakness, but her strength, and also to her happiness.

The Nature Trumps Technology theme is present in the sinking.  Any oppressed group, which internally realizes God or Nature or Fate is on their side, and that the established order including technology, is not, rejoices at disasters that destroy the established icons to some extent.  Therefore, when Nature trumps Technology/Civilization by sinking the Titanic, the oppressed persons immediately sense an aura of divine justice.  Many women watching the movie internally snicker at this phallic obstacle being one-upped by Mother Nature.

As they try to balance on a door in the water, Jack keeps falling off, so he lets Rose stay on.  He dies in the freezing water, and Rose temporarily thinks about dying there with him, but remembers what he taught her about living her own life, lets him sink to the bottom of the ocean, and swims away to contact the rescue boat.  This is unheard of in most movies- a man being the agent of a woman’s happiness, and (as a plot device, at least) dying so she can be happy and live.

Rose willingly leaves behind a world of wealth and safety in order to escape the patriarchy of that world, and to follow her heart.  She takes up horseback riding, acting, and has a life of her own after the accident.

Her final rejection of the masculine world, the throwing of the diamond jewelry into the ocean, into Nature, is the last thing she does before she can die peacefully.  She rejects materialism and the male view of “logic”, which would mean not “sorting through causes and effects in order to come to a factual truth” (the PROPER definition of logic), but would mean “taking actions or making choices that lead you to an arbitrary goal [like the possession and valuing of a certain mineral] that patriarchy has deemed good”.  (there is no objective reason to assume that having a diamond, or any other particular mineral, or the money that it can be traded for, is “good”).

The movie is dedicated to emotion as well as reason.   A healthy person needs both, but part of being masculine means rejecting part of your nature.  Some men reject reason, and some reject emotion.  Some reject both.  Titanic enshrines both reason and emotion, which makes it a good film, and spits in the face of masculine ideal of dropping half your nature.

True, it is a film from the perspective of a rich white woman, but this doesn’t mean the main message doesn’t apply to all women, including women of color or Asians.  It doesn’t seem to exclude other ethnic groups’ experiences but rather seems to address a universal, that women’s lives are hard and that we must escape from them by any means necessary.

The sea is often associated with women and the feminine- it is warm and large and “unpredictable” (at least to those who want to control and therefore predict it, even though it is no more “unpredicctable” than anything you cannot mindread!).  It swallows ships and gives life.  Like the mother, it was our first home, having evolved from it, the way we evolved from woman-dominated societies.   “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets…”

Titanic is hated, as is Twilight is, because it appeals to girls.  It has superb special effects, tons of action, witty dialogue, and lots of death and destruction, and not the romanticized type, either.  So why is it attacked by men?  Not because of what it lacks, but because of what it HAS.  It has morals, including sexual morals which show sexuality as connected to love and happiness.  It is pro-working class, pro-women, pro-children.  It tells the truth about men and what they do to women.
There’s a reason men judge a movie by what it HAS, rather than by what it LACKS.  We would assume that men would only care if a movie LACKED something they liked, such as action and special effects, because we assume that men’s evaluation of films is through a lens of selfishness, i.e., what the movie gives to them.  If a movie had action and such crap, they would be fine with it, and wouldn’t care or notice what else it contained.
But their evaluation isn’t based on selfishness; it’s based on hatred.  Hence, they do not care that the movie CONTAINS what they like.  They care only that it DOESN’T contain anything that helps or pleases women.  If they were selfish, they would not notice others, but no, it is not selfishness they possess: it is hatred of women, what women like, and who women are.  THAT is why men judge movies like Titanic on what the films have, not what they lack.

It’s not about pleasing themselves; it’s about hating you, even on such an innocuous and petty issue as movie watching.   Very well, then.  Long live Titanic!
[on a last note, it’s good that a man directed and wrote this film, because it proves that men can understand and agree with women’s rights, and that there’s no more “I didn’t know you were suffering because I’m a man” excuse that can be made by any man]

Categories: ...and the Arts, Articles In English, Radical Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Women Who Love Other Women

Another pamphlet designed for distribution to school children.

                                 

                                         Women Who Love Other Women
Why must women fall in love with men? Most men are selfish, sexist, and abusive. Good men are hard to find. Maybe we should fall in love with women. Women won’t hate you for being a woman; women are much less likely to verbally and sexually abuse you; women won’t impregnate you against your will. Maybe you have attractions to female friends or celebrities but you never realized you could love another woman. Society tries to make women fall in love with men because men want to use women for sex. Society also wants to keep women apart from each other so women can’t break or escape from male control. So why don’t we try something new?

Myths, facts, and questions:

Lesbians are ugly and masculine.
Not all lesbians are masculine. Many are very “feminine” (what our society calls “feminine”). Some lesbian relationships consist of feminine partners, some consist of masculine partners, and some couples have a mannish partner and a feminine partner. Everyone is different.

Lesbians are always angry because they don’t know how wonderful it is to have sex with men.
A lesbian is a woman who is attracted to women, not attracted to men. Having sex with men would not be wonderful for her. Not all lesbians are angry. Some are very happy. They are all individuals like everyone else. The small amount of lesbian and gay people who are often angry are angry because they are abused by prejudiced heterosexual people.

Accepting lesbians into society will drastically change normal relationship structures.
Yes. That’s our intention. We want change. The world is horrible right now. Women are the only demographic group in the world who willingly live with the group who oppresses them- men. Most men in the world are dangerous and selfish. Society forces woman to marry a man and live apart from her family and other women. This does great harm to women. The marriage structure (one man, one woman, living alone in a house) makes it easier for husbands to abuse women and children without women’s families stopping them. For women in poor countries, lesbianism is freedom. Heterosexuality means being forced into sexual slavery to a husband and doing exhausting house or field work. Instead of living with men, women should live in all-female groups with some good men (the minority of men). Most men should live on the outside of this society. This is how elephants and lions live, so it is not unnatural. The good men should be the fathers and the large amout of bad men (rapists, serial killers, woman-abusers, misogynists) will go extinct. Monogamy will no longer be necessary, but people will be free to choose it. Since evil men will be extinct, men will not use women for sex. They will only have sex with someone because of love. Our current one-man/one-woman marriage policy is evil. There are very few good men, and women are not able to share them- women have to accept horrible or abusive men.

How will people have children?
Women will have sex with men to get children, and sometimes for pleasure, but lesbianism will be more common than it is today. Women, especially mothers, should be the focus of society, and men/other women should help them. Children should be taught by the entire community, not inside a family, in which the mother has to do all the work. Women will not have to associate with a man only because he is the father of her child. When women marry men and live inside a heterosexual family, they work inside the home and don’t get paid, but men get paid to work outside the home. Women should not have to be in a relationship with a man just because he is th father of her child. Women should have relationships with other women and raise children together, and heterosexuality will be less common. Men who enjoy women’s sexual organs instead of their personality will not be allowed to have sex with women.

Lesbianism and separating women from men is a very new and different idea.
This is not true. Thousands of years ago, before men began hating women, and before they invented patriarchy, women were the leaders of society. Society loved and respected men, but men were not superior to women and men were not at the center of society.

Lesbians must use dildos or other penis-shaped objects to have sex.
Not all lesbians enjoy penetration and penis shaped objects. The assumtion that all lesbians need penises or penis-shaped objects to be satisfied is offensive. Not all women need men to be happy. Some lesbians don’t like to be penetrated. It’s a personal preference. “Sex” doesn’t necessarily mean putting a penis in a vagina. Sex can also include oral sex, touching the clitoris, or stimulating the nipples. A person does not need to penetrate or be penetrated to say they have had sex. It is also offensive to suggest women have no external genitalia. Women have clitorises, labia, and a pubic mound, and sometimes they can be used for penetration, if the partners enjoy penetration. It is not true that all men have big penises and that all women have small clitorises/labia. Not all penises are bigger than women’s clitorises and labia. Some penises are big, and some are small. Some clitorises and labia are big, some are small. Size has nothing to do with male or female. Male and female were created for reproduction, and size has nothing to do with sperm and eggs.

Should I become a lesbian?
You can do whatever you want. It is good to open up your options. It is difficult for most people to change their sexuality, but it can be worth the difficulty, since most men are not suitable for a romantic relationship. If you cannot become a lesbian, you do not need to force yourself. If you get in a relationship with a man, make sure he is gentle and good.

Am I a lesbian? 
Perhaps. You may have attractions to female friends, classmates, people you work with, actresses, or even cartoon characters. You might be completely uninterested in men or dislike them.

What are the consequences of becoming a lesbian or telling people I’m one?
It depends on your society’s level amount of tolerance for homosexuality. Often, in the Western hemisphere, you will be respected. Unfortunately, lesbians are treated poorly by some people, especially conservative religious people, and people who support patriarchy. If you think you will be harmed, keep your feelings to yourself, but don’t try to change who you are, because you will end up miserable. Try to find internet groups or organizations who will accept you.

Where can I get help if I decide to come out as a lesbian or become one?
The USA national organization for adult homosexuals is: 1-888-843-4564, and the youth group is 1-800-246-7743. Both numbers cost no money to dial. If you don’t want your parents or siblings to know you called the organization, you can use your cell phone or email them on the computer.

Are societies happier if they accept lesbians and if they change marriage structures that are unjust?
Yes. In a lesbian relationship, there is no male influence, therefore patriarchy is weakened by every lesbian relationship. Men who are evil will have no opportunity to teach their sons to be evil. There are 7 billion people in the world and it is overcrowded. There are not enough recources for everyone. Lesbians are more likely to adopt children than to give birth. The other option for women is to marry men and have their wombs regulated like farm animals’ wombs. (Societies never regulate men’s reproductive organs).

Is it impossible to change your sexuality?
For some people it is impossible. For others, it is not. Most people cannot lose a sexual attraction once they have it, but most people can acquire an additional attraction if they try. It is harder to ignore an attraction you already have than to acquire a new one. Sometimes heterosexual men tell women heterosexuality is natural and that it is impossible to change because they want to trick lesbians into having sex with them. “It’s natural. Come into my bed!”

Is sexuality caused by genetics or DNA or nature or some similar thing?
No. Attractions are abstract things and genetics is a physical thing. Physical things cannot cause abstract things. Sexual urges might be caused by physical processes, but who you are attracted to is caused by what is inside in your mind. Sometimes, the mind cannot be changed. Sometimes, it can.

Why does society notice lesbians less than it notices gay men?
Most societies don’t respect women and don’t want to believe they enjoy sex as much as men enjoy sex. They tell everybody that lesbians are unnatural. Another reason may be that men think other men- even gay men- are more important than women and since men control most of the media and news, they pay more attention to gays than lesbians.

Why do most men hate lesbians?
If a woman only has sex with other women, men lose the opportunity to use her for sex. Some men accuse lesbians of hating men because the lesbians don’t have sex with men. This is immature; they are saying, “You hate me because you won’t give me what I want!!” They also hate lesbians because lesbians are not being controlled by a husband or male partner.

Why do most men hate homosexual men?
Homophobic men are afraid that if they have sex with men, they will be harmed in the same manner they harm women. Maybe they deserve it!

What is “corrective rape”?
“Corrective rape” is when a man or a group of men rape and hurt a woman to try to force her to be heterosexual, or to punish her for being a lesbian. Corrective rape occurs very often in Africa, and girls are often gang raped or forced to marry adult men. These men rape them inside the marriage. It also happens in America. A lesbian who enters a bar or other public places might be followed and “corrected” by males. In the entire world, many lesbians are beaten, tortured, raped, have acid thrown in their faces, disowned, killed, or forced to marry men. However, in America and Europe there are many safe communities and organizations that do not hate lesbians and women.

What should I do if someone tries to punish me for being a lesbian?
Call one of the phone numbers and if you think someone will commit violence against you, contact a women’s shelter in a nearby city and get a lawyer. Make sure the lawyer doesn’t hate lesbians and women. If you cannot do this, tell a good teacher what happens in your home. Nobody should be allowed to try to change your sexuality or abuse you. If someone tries to rape you, report him immediately and get a lawyer who tries to help women and lesbians.

Categories: Articles In English, Lesbianism, Radical Feminism, Separatism, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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